Transitions

For weeks I have wanted to share my perspective on transitions. I’d been through enough of them to know how to articulate the process. I was very familiar with the uncertainty, frustration, waiting, more frustration, and finally, clarity. I could talk about the struggle of wanting to peek into the future to know just a little bit more before having to make a decision, but still having to make the decision. Yet, there was a transition I needed to complete before I could write this post.

After spending four months traveling around the world, I fluctuated between desperately wanting to start a new life and enjoying freedom of not having to rush into a routine. What I longed for most was a definitive answer. I found myself unclear, uncertain, and approaching a fearful place. I honestly didn’t know what would be my best course of action. Was I supposed to become more focused on creating the next phase of my life or was I to learn to appreciate the free space?

I can honestly say that even in my moments of doubt, I knew in my soul that I simply needed to trust. Trusting is obviously easier said than implemented, but I found comfort in knowing that all I needed to do was trust. That realization gave me reason to believe that everything would work out in my favor, for my benefit. Trusting through the transition gave me hope even if it didn’t always make me feel hopeful.

In the months that followed, I watched others make progress, get closer to their next phase, and get the answers I wanted. The more time that passed, the harder I had to work to keep my feelings stable and trust that I would eventually receive all that I needed. It took eight months, but all of the concrete answers I sought were delivered. Suddenly, all of the waiting, uncertainty, and frustration dissolved. I am clear, thankful, and hopeful. As I walk into the next phase of my life, everything makes sense. Every single thing!
 

Transitions are difficult, especially while we’re in the middle of them. What would happen, though, if we conditioned ourselves to appreciate the freedom that exists in uncertain spaces instead of fearing it? How would uncertainty feel if we treated it as a favorable circumstance instead of a threatening one? When we reach the end of a transition we often have an ‘aha’ moment, a time when it all makes sense. All of the wavering. All of the seemingly haphazard events. All of the rejection that pushed us to become more and better. We come out of a haze and into clarity. If our past has shown us that we’ll end up in a more favorable place at the end of a transition than we were in the beginning, we need to learn a better, more healthy way to get through the in-between stage of transitioning.

Too Familiar

Midwestern June sky.

One of my favorite sights is the sky. There is something peaceful, magical, and stunning about its appearance. I have interrupted conversations in order to point out and take pictures of extraordinary colors, seemingly painted rays of light, and stark, white clouds. While I have fully appreciated exceptional skies in different locations, I have interrupted significantly less conversation to point out the sky’s beauty when I wasn’t traveling. I had to ask if I was so accustomed to the miracle of the sun rising and setting over me at home that I failed to appreciate it. Had the incredible beauty that I witnessed daily become less incredible or had I become too familiar with it?

The idea of becoming too familiar with beauty led me to analyze how I view habitual surroundings. I discovered that I took on an extremely limited and short-sighted line of vision when I was in my routine. While riding down the street at home I would only see the next light so I wouldn’t miss my turn or the car in front of me so I wouldn’t hit it. I only saw the scenes in my immediate line of vision. Yet, while traveling, I didn’t see cities in that same limited view. My focus expanded. I looked for more than the upcoming block or the car riding in front of me. While in another city, I absorbed views broadly and intentionally. I purposefully sought out an experience. I expected beauty so I experienced beauty.

The show that the sky puts on in any location is artistic, but we often overlook its beauty while in familiar surroundings. If we can overlook the beauty that exists in something as pervasive as the sky, what else have we become so familiar with that we no longer see its beauty? Beauty exists in the sky, but beauty also exists in laughter, health, intelligence, strength, talent, feelings, and in love. Whether it’s beauty we see or experience, we must not become so familiar with it that we are no longer moved by its presence.

A New Narrative

I get a kick out of hearing my grandmother talk about me as a toddler. She chuckles as she says that I didn’t need to be entertained and then shares examples of my independence. Her trip down memory lane usually ends with her telling me, “You’ve always been that way.” 

My grandmother’s reflection is harmless, but the narratives people recite can usher in stagnation. Repeatedly hearing what we’ve always done or who we’ve always been may lead us to believe that we are unable to create a new narrative for ourselves, even when we desire change. Maybe you were told you have always been a quitter. Perhaps people constantly remind you that you made bad relationship or financial decisions. Even if some truth exists in the reminders of others, even if you are certain that your behavior supports those statements, you still have the power to create a new narrative.

One of the greatest benefits of tomorrow is the ability to create change. You are not required to meet expectations based on the past. Maybe you quit more than you should. Maybe your past is filled with questionable relationship or financial choices. No matter what your past reveals, you have the power to create a different future. You do not have to live out the familiar, old, and repetitive narrative that others—including you—insist on replaying. Give yourself the room you need to grow. Create change by believing you are capable of change. Create change by creating a new narrative of yourself, for yourself.

Power of Possibility

I had the pleasure of spending a few days in the beautiful city of Santa Barbara, California. Riding up Gibraltar Rock I experienced magnificent views of the ocean on one side, and even more majestic mountains on the other. As I observed the incredible natural beauty, I was amazed by a simple realization; I witnessed such stunning sights because many years ago someone believed. I could feel such magnificence because a long time ago someone believed that building a road on a mountain was possible. Someone had the confidence and freedom to look at that massive stone and think, “A road needs to be up there and I know how to make that happen.”

All of us have the ability to stimulate change. Unfortunately, many of us doubt our level of impact before we even start. We convince ourselves not to try. We tell ourselves we’re not enough. Not smart enough, strong enough, talented enough, good enough, young enough, nor experienced enough. We essentially believe that we aren’t deserving enough to live in the realm of possibility. Fortunately, that isn’t the truth. Instead of doubting our abilities or comparing our life’s work to others, we should challenge ourselves to walk in the freedom of believing. We should experience the power of possibility.

When you entertain possibility you possess power. Limitations are viewed as temporary. Fear of failure no longer holds your thoughts captive. Excuses loose their grip. Would you prefer limitations, fear, and excuses to have the greatest impact in your life? Or would you prefer your life to be a reflection of freedom, empowerment, and possibility? Someone looked at a mountain and saw possibility. What do you see when you gaze at the mountains in your life?

No matter what others have said, or who didn’t believe in your talents, or what you may have convinced yourself, you are enough to alter your world. You are simply enough. Change your mind, treat yourself to the benefit of believing, and give yourself permission to experience the power of possibility.

Unexpected Support

As I’m sure you can relate, during my most challenging times my relationships were redefined. In any situation when the truth doesn’t line up with expectation or desire, it is harsh. As some of the major players in my life were unable to provide the level of support that I felt situations warranted, I had to accept some truths that I didn’t anticipate nor want to accept.

We often deal on opposite ends of the same spectrum. Our most influential lessons usually stem from hardship. Our greatest joys are magnified by the mere thought of past pains. Gratitude is amplified when we consider previous lack. When we feel uncomfortable we only need to look at our past to know that we are more than likely on the brink of major change. Without discontent we would never strive for better because undesirable feelings are what prompt us toward introspection and evaluation. Essentially, we don’t change our lives without first changing our minds.

Accepting truths regarding some of my relationships was initially distressing. However, my need to shift out of discomfort prompted me to evaluate. Based on history, I knew that I would receive all of the support I needed. I received all the support I needed because there were always unexpected sources of support. Instead of focusing on the disappointment, I focused on the gift of unexpected sources of support. I could not allow the absence of someone to dilute the presence of anyone. It is difficult to discover who cannot be what you wished, but it is even more wonderful to discover who becomes more than you hoped.

Live Your Truth

This week I found myself living out the consequences of decisions I made many years ago. Instead of being authentic, I was amicable. Too fearful to create waves, I simply sailed wherever the wind blew. I essentially handed the responsibility of my well-being to others by assessing their comfort as more important than my emotional health. I entertained toxic, traumatic relationships simply because we shared a bloodline. My previous attempts to break ties were discouraged and unsuccessful. I’m certain that my refusal to continue down this senseless path will be problematic also, but the alternative has become impossible.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve been increasingly attracted to peace. However, without realizing it, I had been settling for partial peace. Not only was that absurd, but this particular area of my life was the one that demanded peace the most intensely. I will never walk in genuine peace unless I am willing to do all that it takes to be at peace. Even if it upsets those I’ve appeased for many years. Even if that means being misunderstood. Even if that creates separation. The pursuit of peace—my well-being—is worth more than the discomfort associated with upsetting others, being misunderstood, and potential separation.

Not everyone will understand all of your decisions. You are uniquely motivated by your experiences and purpose. Nothing is worth living a half-hearted, fabricated life. Not the reactions of others. Not fear. Not uncertainty. Not hard work. Nothing and no thing. Make the steps necessary to live freely and fully. Living your truth is not always easy, but living outside of it is intolerable.

What Do You Believe?

Opinions constantly infiltrate our lives. They are stated, written, repeated, shared, misinterpreted, and repeated again. Opinions can be constructive, positive, and destructive. Opinions are offered on what we wear, what we buy, where we live, how we live, and even about our character. We certainly have emotional reactions upon hearing the opinions of others, especially those we have a personal relationship with, but opinions are only allowed to make an impact if we believe them.

You may have heard that you’re inadequate. Someone may have said you’re not attractive enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, etc. While hearing unkindness hurts, you are still faced with the decision to either believe the criticism or disregard it. Words don’t penetrate your soul unless you believe them to be true. What you believe about yourself is far more important and carries much greater consequences than what others say about you.

In addition to giving weight to the opinions of others, you also hold opinions of yourself based on history. Experience can speak much louder than words. Your past may have taught you to believe that you are insufficient, illegitimate, or unworthy, and caused you to trust in those falsehoods. Whether you encountered child abuse, neglect, abandonment, or abusive adult friendships/relationships, you are more than how you’ve been treated. What you believe about yourself needs to be developed internally, based on the truth.

The truth is you are more than what others have said to and about you. You are more than any err in judgment or shortcoming. You are more than how others have treated you. You are more than your past. You are more than your circumstances. You are simply more. It's time for you believe it.