tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53875149776763737592024-03-14T05:37:28.820-04:00Try-UmphWords of encouragement and inspiration from a world-traveling, smile-giving, life-loving survivor.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.comBlogger215125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-30769968621395532422016-02-09T12:32:00.000-05:002016-02-10T01:44:09.866-05:00Thank You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven't written a new post in a few weeks and it doesn't feel as unusual or induce the guilt that missing just a single week used to produce. In fact, it feels satisfying and freeing because I have been in a transition. For the last few months, as I would sit down to organize my thoughts, I realized that my voice changed and what I had to say no longer fit within the confines of my 3-4 paragraph format. I began to long for something more than Try-Umph provided.<br />
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I appreciate everyone who has been on this journey with me. Try-Umph has seen me through a voyage around the world, the loss of my father, a relocation to Michigan, a deeper appreciation for the growth needed in order to set and stand by healthy boundaries, a relocation to California, and intense gratitude at having the support of others as I experienced those changes. Yet part of me sought more. There were times I wanted to delve deeper, push further, and be more firm. I kept my language and tone soft and supportive when writing posts like <a href="http://try-umph.blogspot.com/2015/12/news.html" target="_blank">News</a> and <a href="http://try-umph.blogspot.com/2015/10/more-strength.html" target="_blank">More Strength</a> when I wanted to spew out a string of words that would make a sailor blush because that's what I felt having to even to write such and get over so much.<br />
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Yet I fluctuated between not feeling ready and knowing that this was not the proper venue. I needed to wait for more and prepare for something else. I listened. I waited. I held off. I shared what would be helpful and encouraging, but reserved the rest because I knew more was on the horizon.</div>
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Whether you've been reading since 2011 or you've been sporadically checking out Try-Umph, thank you. I couldn't have reached as many people without you. It has been challenging, exciting, rewarding, strengthening, reassuring, and fun to force myself to write something worth sharing over the years and ultimately, to recognize that my life was worth sharing. Keep reading and passing on the posts that resonate with you. Encouragement is timeless and we all need it over and over and over again. </div>
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Continue taking responsibility for your choices and making good ones. Continue believing in your worth and value. Continue intentionally living a life of purpose, love, peace, and triumph. I promise to do the same.</div>
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Sincerely,</div>
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Myla Denise</div>
Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-6284183905350040332016-01-19T07:00:00.000-05:002016-01-19T07:00:24.686-05:00Vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've heard different versions of questions related to regret which has led me to ask myself what I would do differently if given the chance. There's not much I would change, but there is one decision I've questioned multiple times. As a teenager, I did not apply to the university I dreamed of attending because I didn't want to burden my family with the cost of out-of-state tuition. Though not often, I have had moments when I wondered how my life would have turned out if I'd at least applied to the university that I'd never visited, but envisioned myself being a part of all those years ago.<br /><br />In July, I joined one of the most well-known university systems. Working for a systemwide office, I've had the opportunity to visit nine University of California campuses. I attended a meeting with a marketing director at one particular campus and she handed me a box. She said, "I wanted to give you a small gift to welcome you." I smiled. Twenty years later, I was being welcomed to very university I wanted to attend as an undergraduate student. I told my colleague the significance of her words and her gift and she responded, "Well, now you are officially part of the UC family."<br /><br />My desire to be a part of that university was limited. I reduced the possibility of joining that university to a student experience and because I didn't attend as a student, I thought I'd missed my chance. Life still managed to lead me to the very same place. I hadn't missed my opportunity. My opportunity was simply different from what I imagined.<br /><br />Maybe you have a vision that hasn't played out. That's not adequate reason to believe that your vision is faulty. It could just be that the vision hasn't played out yet. Vision is not limited to your timetable. Vision is not limited to your current circumstances. Vision isn't even limited to your concept of possibility. If you've had a longstanding vision for your life, don't let it go. Don't let the passage of time, detours, negative feedback, successes of others, or your own self-doubt cause you to forget or neglect your vision. One day, what you envisioned could unfold right before your eyes in a way you didn't even imagine.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-61782176139323389682016-01-12T07:00:00.000-05:002016-01-12T07:00:11.496-05:00Can't You Just<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Some of the most significant conversations I've had were not positive. People I considered sources of support expressed their opinions about how I handled living with trauma, <i>my</i> trauma, and when I disagreed, the tone shifted. Their concern gave way to frustration. For me, nervousness turned into anxiety and feelings of isolation soared. I wanted them to tell me, "Whatever you need, we'll be here." Instead, I heard, "Why can't you just...?"<br />
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When facing a complex situation where there is no quick fix, opinions are abundant. People are more than willing to tell you exactly what you should do and when you dispute their unsolicited advice, their frustration speaks louder than their concern. They ask, "Why can’t you just…?" Just stop thinking about it. Just be quiet. Just go along to get along. Just stop expecting so much. Just let it go. Just get over it. Essentially, what they are asking you to do is to stop existing in a space or with an honesty that threatens their space and their delusion. Guess what. You don’t have to. You don’t have to 'just' do anything.<br />
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When someone asks or implies that you need to just do something that counters what is best for you, remove yourself. Remove yourself from the conversation, the physical space, from living under their expectations, and in some cases, from the relationship. You do not deserve to exist in an uncomfortable, non-supportive space. Create a new space. Build a new support system.<br />
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Your loved ones' decision to live in an unhealthy environment is not yours. The complacency that controls the lives of those you know does not have to control you. The fears that derail others do not have to derail you. If you ever have to choose between taking the road paved in denial, religious manipulation, and self-sacrifice so that others can feel more comfortable with the hurt that you live with and the unexplored, less crowded path toward wellness, always choose wellness. If you deserve to just do anything, you deserve to just choose your peace, safety, and freedom.</div>
Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-36587980078686211782015-12-29T07:00:00.000-05:002015-12-29T07:00:18.485-05:00Consider More<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A year ago I lived 70 miles from where I grew up, in southwest Michigan, working for my undergraduate alma mater. Now, 365 days later, my life doesn’t even resemble what it did. I'm 2,200 miles away from my hometown, nestled between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, working with a university system of which I had no previous ties. This massive life change was in the works long before I realized, but it would not have happened if I wasn't willing to consider possibility.<br />
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My life last year was good. It was the perfect blend of unfamiliar familiarity. The cities I'd left more than a decade ago had grown and changed, as I had, so it was like being reintroduced to a former love. I was surrounded by childhood friends and making new ones. My job was professionally and personally satisfying. I felt like I was in a groove, a really good groove. I was comfortable...and that's when I started hearing a faint whisper, urging me with the words, "Consider more."<br />
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That simple yet powerful prompt led me to ask myself what was missing. I looked around my office and thought, "The only thing missing from my job is international education. I would love to do what I'm doing now for a study abroad program." Giving myself permission to consider more from a career that I was already grateful for allowed me to search for precisely what I wanted. Not a variation, no need to compromise. I didn't need a new job, I was simply considering more.<br />
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A casual search on a seemingly random day initiated a huge life change. Yes, insecurity crept in. Fear tried to dominate the conversation. But I was driven by the urge to consider more. I had to consider more than where I was. I had to consider more than insecurity and more than fear. I needed to consider possibility and within one year, what was once just possible became my everyday.<br />
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As you look back over 2015, you may feel that the year didn't deliver what you'd hoped. Maybe you didn't deliver. I challenge you to consider more. It only takes one realization to drastically change your life. In 2016, consider more. Consider more than your job. Consider more than comfort. Consider more for your family. Consider more for yourself. Consider more than insecurity. Consider more than fear. Consider possibility. Before you can change your everyday you must first believe that it's possible and if you're willing, it is absolutely possible.</div>
Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-19808283951630572412015-12-22T07:00:00.000-05:002015-12-22T07:00:06.356-05:00Space<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We have been convinced that spaciousness is supreme. We dream of owning a huge house with as many bathrooms as bedrooms, a three-car garage, on land large enough to house a compound. In addition to our mega complex for more spacious things, personal space is also valued at such a premium that airlines and rail lines charge more money for it. Space is a hot commodity that has changed what we want and the way we live, travel, and interact with one another.<br />
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When I moved to Michigan in 2012, I moved into a large apartment, by myself. While it was often convenient and comfortable, I didn't need all of that space and having it did not always serve me well. It was great when I had overnight guests. It was not great when I felt alone. It seemed to amplify the loneliness and bounce it off of every wall for me to hear over and over again. That space also enabled me to keep things I should have released, purchase things I didn't need, and shut the door on all of those things so I didn't have to look at them or deal with them.<br />
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In addition to the drawbacks associated with physical space, there's another element of space that I subscribed to that was more detrimental—emotional space. Keeping emotional space, distance, did not always serve me well either. I developed emotional distance for the same reason that most do—because the actions of a few destroyed my ability to trust. When I did discover my support system, which was solid, genuine, and fully committed to my well-being, I was too embarrassed, ashamed, and flat out terrified to truly let people in to what I deemed my overwhelming, complicated emotional vault.<br />
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Being distant from others produced outcomes that contradicted what I wanted. Space gave my mind room to wander to horrible places, replaying scenes of my history of trauma. Space allowed me to get lost in the negative messages I repeated to myself. Space made me feel alone and undeserving of the support, acceptance, and love I needed. All of the emotional work I'd done to create a sense of safety and peace was evaporating in that space. Space was not what I needed. I needed connection. I needed people right there, up close and personal, not just telling me I had their support, but demonstrating it, repeatedly. I didn't need more space, I needed less. Much less.<br />
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When we have space, we have extra room for miscellaneous things—all the stuff that has no specific place and at times, no value. We put it in a spare room and shut the door so that we can maintain attachments that need to be severed without having to see the impact of those unhealthy attachments. We give ourselves so much space that it prevents others from getting close enough to witness our emotional clutter, making it impossible for them to help us clear it out.<br />
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Does space provide you with convenience and comfort or has it become an enabler? Have you given those you trust, those who have proven their commitment to your well-being, access to fully support you? Are you being honest with them? Are you being honest with yourself?<br />
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Assess the space in your life. Make necessary adjustments. All of the support you need will be there. Don't be afraid to let people in. Don't be afraid to get close. We were designed to be connected and have relationships. It is when those connections and bonds are broken that we feel disrupted, abandoned, and unloved. Space is not always the answer. At times, space is the problem.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-11396236736462101142015-12-08T07:00:00.000-05:002015-12-08T07:00:07.092-05:00Prove Them Wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last week I attended a college basketball game. Early in the first half, a point guard from the visiting team attempted a long-range shot. In addition to it being highly contested, he miscalculated and the ball missed the entire rim. Fans of the home team immediately yelled, "Air ball! Air ball! Air ball!" For the remainder of the game, any time he touched the ball, no matter where he was on the court and whether he was in position to shoot or not, the crowd erupted in a chorus of, "Air ball! Air ball! Air ball!"<br />
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This collective attempt to distract players is normal in sports and can be extremely effective. Without proper coaching, focus, and confidence, a well guarded shot or simple miscalculation can impact a player's performance for the duration of a game. Experienced players master tuning out distractions, regardless of how noisy, relentless, and personal they become.</div>
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You may feel as if life is a lot like those fans. The shots you've taken may have been highly contested, miscalculated, or a combination of both, and each time you try again, life reminds you of your air ball moments. As soon as you build enough courage to go back out there, someone—at times, even you—is screaming what you perceive to be your worst moments and attributes. Quitter! Dropout! Unemployable! Divorced! Damaged! Victim! Abandoned! Convict! Angry! Depressed! Broken! Failure! Worthless! Unlovable!</div>
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How do you quiet the yelling? How can you make progress when you are continuously reminded of your worst? How do you stop the yelling when you believe it more than anyone else? You quiet the yelling with action. You make progress by focusing on one play, one task, one goal at a time. You stop believing the yelling by remaining engaged with and committed to improving your life, for life. </div>
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Your goals may have been contested. Try again. You may have taken some incredibly wild shots. Own that and learn from it. But never, ever, ever, ever give up. Unlike with a game, your refusal to show up will not stop the hate-filled, destructive mantras. When you no longer try, you concede and behave in ways that confirm the worst of what you think of yourself. Instead of confirming the taunts, prove them wrong.<br />
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As for that particular game, the player who threw that errant shot remained present and a valuable member of his team. By the end of the game he was the third leading scorer and more importantly, his team won. He didn't allow ridicule to stop him and you don't have to let life's ridicule and reminders to stop you. Get back out there and prove them wrong.</div>
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Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-3928442784017366062015-12-01T07:00:00.000-05:002015-12-01T07:00:12.488-05:00News<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We have all heard news that shook us. News that nothing we've ever experienced prepared us to hear. News that changed our lives. I received such a call this year and haven't been vocal about it because I'm still contemplating its impact. It's impossible to know what's appropriate, normal, or reasonable after hearing that the person who raped you was murdered.<br />
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As the news spread, posts went out on social media about his death and I felt even more isolated from my family than usual. I didn't share their collective grief. Each picture of his smiling face that our family members posted—his and mine—taunted me. It was a painful barrage reminding me that his presence railroaded mine. While I could acknowledge that what he did wasn't the sum total of who he was, that acknowledgment didn't erase his face from my nightmares nor change who he was to me.<br />
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All I could comprehend was numbness, an emotional flatline which led me to question who I had become. Who hears that a life ended and can't definitively own sadness or sorrow? What kind of person isn't immediately grieved upon hearing that someone is no longer living? Had I allowed what happened to harden me?<br />
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My questions were not productive. Attaching adjectives and judgments to what I felt was not helping me progress down this unusual path. I needed to simply feel what I felt. All I could articulate was, "I never wanted to see him again, but I never wished him harm," and at times, "I never wished him harm, but I never wanted to see him again." That was my truth and I had to accept that my truth was sufficient.<br />
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When life delivers news that takes the wind out of you, allow yourself the freedom to feel whatever you feel. Progression can only be made through a lens of honesty and if you attach judgment to your feelings you will not be truthful. Over time, discovering how you live with that news may help you articulate them, but you aren't required to come up with a list of feelings and place them in right/wrong or kind/unkind columns. Instead of forcing yourself to have certain feelings or judging the ones you do have, catch your breath and focus on life after—after the news—so that you can understand its impact and minimize its destruction.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-67889974430891927072015-10-27T07:00:00.000-04:002015-10-27T07:00:06.592-04:00Brave<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Courage has increasingly become part of public conversation and not always in a positive manner. As corporations and media outlets publicly award individuals for overcoming emotional hardship, we have far too easily taken on the role of comparing and judging levels of courage. Instead of acknowledging that bravery exists in many forms for different reasons, we have become unreliable experts in determining who should or shouldn't be considered brave.<br />
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Far too often people base bravery on lifestyles and actions that they couldn't or wouldn't imagine for themselves. While it's easy to see why people use this measurement, it is limited. What we cannot imagine or would not wish for ourselves is not the full extent of what it takes to be brave. Being brave is more than participating in an extreme lifestyle or living with an unforeseen circumstance; being brave is making a conscious and continuous decision to be and do better than who we are, right now. Being brave is getting up every single day and doing the hard work to become more honest versions of ourselves.<br />
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Bravery cannot be measured and should not be judged. It is an individual experience dependent on your personal history and your emotional growth. The bravest action you have ever taken may not be realized or even known by others. Someone may think it is brave to bungie jump, get a tattoo, or go skydiving, but not consider all that it took for you to open up to love again. Admiration may be given to someone for standing up to a bully, but no one is there to cheer you on when you make an appointment with a mental health professional or schedule your first chemotherapy treatment. Others may be praised for traveling abroad solo, yet few know what you endured to stay positive during a prolonged hospital stay, testify against your rapist in court, or get out of bed the day after burying your loved one. What others fail to see or consider does not make you any less brave.<br />
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What makes you brave is not always recognizable, not even to yourself. You exercise bravery when you push past what's easy and choose what's best. Even if no one ever presents you with a trophy or gives you a platform upon which to tell your story, sometimes the bravest action you can take is to wake up and try again. After heartache, disappointment, shame, failure, mistakes, and fear, if you are genuinely still trying, then you can walk with your head high and know that you are brave.</div>
Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-34730816697857957432015-10-20T07:00:00.000-04:002015-12-23T14:19:45.381-05:00More Strength<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We've all seen the afterschool specials, read the articles, and heard the interviews. Someone experiences a traumatic event, tries to ignore it, makes bad decisions, tells a trusted friend, finally acknowledges the impact of the trauma, tells the world, and then the music starts, the clouds part, the sun shines, and life is great again. This storyline has inspired us and started necessary conversation, but it's also incomplete. What happens following that breakthrough day? What happens with life after?<br />
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Years ago I consumed as many of those types of stories as I could. I needed proof that life could be beautiful after trauma. Those stories got me to my liberating, I'm-telling-everybody moment, yet there was a gaping hole. No one talked about life after—after the big reveal, after the inspirational song ended, after members of their support system went back to being occupied with their own lives, after they could name the trauma and those who caused it without crumbling, after those who said they would always be there started to look for an out clause or expiration date, and after they got tired of having to be so damn strong all of the time. <br />
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Healing is a lifelong process and I had to learn that the length of that process wasn't my fault. It wasn't because I wasn't praying hard enough or trying hard enough. It wasn't because I didn't have enough faith. It wasn't because I hadn't forgiven. It wasn't because I hadn't talked about it enough. It wasn't because I wasn't enough.<br />
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I had strength, but as life happened, I needed more. I needed more strength when I got close to new people. I needed more strength as conversations turned to why I wasn't spending the holidays with my family. I needed more strength when my nieces and nephew turned five, the age my traumatic journey started. I needed more strength when I started counseling. I needed more strength when people I loved judged me for taking care of myself. I needed more strength each time I got a new doctor and had to divulge that I'd been raped. I needed more strength when those who abused me sent Facebook friend requests. I needed more strength when my dad, one of my biggest supporters, died. I needed more strength simply because life required me to be stronger.<br />
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You have worked to reach where you are today, but life is going to demand that you become even stronger. That isn't a reflection of a deficiency in your efforts, your toughness, nor who you are. As you grow older, life simply requires more. Continue fighting for peace of mind. Continue making healthy choices. Continue walking in and building your strength. As life requires more, you will not only become stronger, you'll become more—more self-aware, more grateful, more fulfilled, more peaceful, more loving, more honest, and more unapologetic about living out your purpose.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-5644363886219629632015-10-13T07:00:00.000-04:002015-10-13T07:00:02.380-04:00Proof<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Social media has infiltrated every aspect of our lives. Corporations, nonprofit organizations, universities, and small businesses have added social media into their branding strategies and tactics. We can't go on vacation, eat a meal, or take a walk without posting a photo or checking in. Children who don't even have social media accounts tell their parents to post pictures and then ask how many likes they have. It has changed the way we do business and the way we live.<br />
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Social media has its place. It allows us to connect and share our lives with those who don't live physically close to us. However, it has also reinforced a dangerous need for external approval. Every outfit, haircut, makeup application, and pair of shoes is posted and likes from others validate our choices and worse, they validate us. We interpret likes on social media as proof of acceptance. As if that's not bad enough, this need for proof from others is insatiable. No matter how many likes and positive comments we receive today, we are right back there tomorrow, posting a new picture, waiting to see who and how many affirmations we will receive to prove to us what should be an internal realization—that our lives matter and have value.<br />
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When you give people the power to determine how you should feel about yourself, you develop an unhealthy attachment to fluid, unstable, and subjective sources. You become dependent on the opinions of others to prove what should come from within—that you are beautiful, that you matter, and that your life has value.<br />
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Compliments are wonderful. They can provide you with an added lift and remind you of who you are. However, others should not determine how you feel about yourself. External sources can provide further confirmation, but should not serve as proof of who you are. All of the proof you need is in your existence. Your beauty, worth, and value exist simply because you do. No amount of likes or positive comments should carry more weight than the way you treat and how you feel about yourself.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-46751649746324344952015-10-06T07:00:00.000-04:002015-10-06T07:00:00.119-04:00Movement<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Movement is a common, constant part of life. Babies move from crawling to walking—although some try running before walking. Children move from elementary to middle to high school. Adults hopefully move from blaming others for their actions to taking responsibility for them. How we move depends on our state of mind. When we're panicked our movements are rushed and frantic. We miss red flags, ignore reason, and attach ourselves to those who encourage our compulsions. When we're intentional our movements are controlled. We are more aware of our direction, we plan instead of react, and we attach ourselves to those who encourage progression. How we move is most often related to one emotion—fear.</div>
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I know about moving. As an adult I have moved seven times to five states. Why I moved was directly related to whether I was escaping or advancing. How I moved, the way I did it, was just as important.</div>
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Since moving to Santa Barbara, the question I'm asked most often is some variation of what brought me here. When I answer, it is clear that every aspect of this move was intentional. I wasn't in a situation that demanded change. I wasn't escaping. I wasn't fearful. The absence of desperation, panic, and fear allowed me to open my mind and patiently seek out an opportunity that was tailor-made for me, at the perfect time.</div>
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No matter what phase of life you're in, movement will remain a part of it and how you move is a reflection of your emotional state. When fear leads, your mind is clouded and confined. When fear leads, your decisions are reactionary. When fear leads, you live to avoid your worst imaginations. When fear leads, you don't. It's time to stop giving fear all of the power. Relax your mind from confinement. Make choices that lead you in an intentional, progressive direction. Attach yourself to those who encourage your growth instead of your deviations. If you want to move through life with certainty and purpose, you can't do it while holding hands with worry and fear.</div>
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Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-12156302991452105132015-09-29T07:00:00.000-04:002015-12-22T14:00:25.789-05:00Breakthrough<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The other day I saw a meme on social media that stated, "Your breakthrough is right around the corner." People commented notes of agreement and even more signaled that they liked the image. For many, this sentiment, and others like it, supply just enough hope to believe that life will improve. Hope is a great feeling that we should remain connected to, but when will we reach the point where we are not simply hoping for life to get better? When will we realize that life can get better now?<br />
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Breakthrough. Increase. Progress. Furtherance. Upgrade. All of these words define forward movement and forward movement is key to being fulfilled. Most desire a fulfilled life. Yet few can define what that is and even fewer are doing what's needed to reach it. Somehow we have given up on our part. We either accept living in a perpetual state of want and simply hope for more or we accept wanting more as our constant state of being. Few have the courage or feel deserving enough to do what's necessary to reach for the life they desire.<br />
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You weren't intended to live your life waiting. Your life is meant to be fully lived and better, no matter how you picture it, can exist now. Better can be how you start today. Better can be your life the moment that you decide to pursue it. You don't have to wait until...until you finish school, until you have a better job, until you have a partner, or until you have a bigger house, a better car, or more money. You can have better right now!<br />
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Your breakthrough can occur now. Breaking through is mental. Breaking through is a change in your mind. Breaking through requires that you stop thinking the same way. You deserve more. You can do more. You are meant for more. Your life is worth more. You are valued more. Once you breakthrough the negative messages in your mind, you can start behaving in ways that will lead you to the life you desire. Your breakthrough is not merely waiting around the corner; your breakthrough is right here, right now. What are you going to do about it?Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-3501640970733560692015-09-22T07:00:00.000-04:002015-09-22T07:00:00.920-04:00Possibility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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From the time we learned to talk, we were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" If it wasn't our parents asking, it was our aunts/uncles, neighbors, church members, parents of friends, and teachers. Once we reached our final year of high school, the question changed. "What do you want to be," became, "What do you want to do?" It's a slight variation, but a significant one. It's the first time we become aware that according to others, our identities, our lives, are defined by doing, not being. It's the first time that reality speaks louder than possibility.<br />
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As we grow older we consider some tough realities. <i>What if what I wanted to be isn't what I will do? What if I cannot become what I said? What if doing something (getting a job, earning a living) is more important than becoming someone (a writer, an artist)? What if life requires me to choose?</i><br />
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Possibility is an amazing, liberating, and exciting concept. Possibility can motivate and inspire. When we fully grasp and accept the possibility that exists in our lives, we become powerful. Unfortunately, as we get older, our notion of possibility diminishes. We lose the confidence to dream and develop an unhealthy, consistent trust in fear. We fear failing. We fear disappointment. We fear fully living. We take our fear and live to avoid it. We convince ourselves that we can't fail, be disappointed or become a disappointment if we give up possibility for what's likely and safe. Our lives reflect our fears rather than our dreams.<br />
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Have you lost perspective on what's possible in your life? Have you relinquished the confidence to envision more? Does your life reflect your fears rather than your dreams?<br />
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Possibility is not just for other people. Possibility is not lost on you. Possibility is not limited to your conditions or assumptions. Life may have required you to make tough choices. Some of your decisions may not have been your best. Still, you get to decide again. Today, you get to determine what happens next. You have the opportunity to accept possibility no matter how many times you rejected it prior. What do you want to be? An example of fear or a demonstration of possibility? It's not too late. You are enough. You are more than what you've done. Now, what do you want to be?Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-85041995225420880002015-09-15T07:00:00.000-04:002015-09-15T11:51:06.009-04:00Only You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Starting over, whether it's a new relationship, career, or physical location is exciting. It leaves us radiating in the light of possibility and the openness of a clean slate. We can recreate everything from our look, our social circle, to our hobbies and our volunteer interests. Even when leaving a good situation, the opportunity to start again gives us the motivation and courage to do and become better. Yet the benefits of starting again will never be experienced if we drag our old selves into our new life.<br />
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I long ago realized that I needed to set boundaries. However, because I was in my early twenties, this realization was not met with enthusiasm nor willpower. Breaking away from what and who was familiar was not an idea that I was comfortable with nor ready to embrace. Instead, I tried to build a new life without living differently. At first, I felt better. I had new surroundings. I had physical distance. I had all of the excitement associated with change. But eventually, the excitement wore off. The new surroundings became old. The physical distance shortened. I'd changed all aspects of my life except the most important one, me. It didn't matter how many times I moved, how many trips I took, and how many career advancements I made. Until I was ready to make the most influential change, an internal one, life would always leave me wanting and someone else, something else, and somewhere else would always have the power that belonged to me.<br />
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Your relationships, career, and locations have one thing in common—you. Leaving any or all of them can be thrilling, but when you move on, if you haven't made an internal shift you'll recreate the same scenarios. Character names, job titles, and the backdrop may transition, but you'll be frustrated and saddened by the very same aspects of life.<br />
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Changing partners will not change how you perceive your worth. Changing jobs will not change your work ethic or life balance. Changing your location will not change your core. Only you can do that. Only you, not a relationship, not a job, not a city, have the power and freedom to usher true change into your life. Don't give that power, nor your happiness, your peace, and your joy to anyone, anything, and any place.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-61105686288169156882015-09-01T07:00:00.000-04:002015-09-01T07:00:05.579-04:00What's Left After<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>How do you define strength? What characteristics in others do you deem to be strong? Does it differ from how you define your own strength?</i><br />
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When it comes to our most significant characteristics, most of us are overly critical. We can admit that we have a nice smile, an infectious laugh, or a great sense of humor, all of which are important, but rarely do we compliment aspects like our resilience, emotional intelligence, or our ability to inspire others. One characteristic important to our well-being is our strength, but we struggle to recognize or define it because we judge ourselves so harshly. We judge our decisions, we judge our lifestyle, we judge how we turned out, and we judge ourselves in comparison to others.<br />
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You may have made decisions that complicated your life. You may given someone chances that didn't demonstrate behavior deserving of those chances...repeatedly. You may have given up. You may have fallen. You may have disappointed your loved ones and yourself. Strength is not the absence of questionable decisions or repeated mistakes. Strength is not the absence of giving up, falling, or disappointment. Strength is not the absence of tears, anger, or loss of control.<br />
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Strength is what pushes you after...after the mistakes and after the bad judgment. Strength is what develops after the heartache and after the feelings of hopelessness. Strength is what thrives after you push beyond the superficial and break through the pain. Strength is what comes after you free yourself from judging everything you've said, done, felt, and been. Strength is what you discover after you let go of the judgment, after you release the emotion, and after you commit to continue. Strength is what is left after and after all of the uncertainty, the choices, and the trials, what is left is you. Strength is you.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-53760516675625615232015-08-18T07:00:00.000-04:002015-08-18T07:00:06.507-04:00The Truth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Traffic was unusually heavy on my way home one evening because of a festival. As I looked ahead, the closer the exits approached downtown, the more congested the exit ramps became. I had a decision to make. I could continue to inch along for the next few miles or I could exit early and drive through the neighborhood. Regardless of what I chose, the traffic had already impacted my ride home. My decision would influence how much later I would arrive, but it would not reverse or change the truth that I'd been stuck in traffic.<br />
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Circumstances can cause us to feel stuck, like we are left with little to no options. We all face life's traffic jams that require us to make decisions. We can remain in our traffic—the things that didn't go as planned, the hurtful things others have said and done, the poor choices we made, and the choices someone else made that affected us—and tell the stories repeatedly. We tell these stories because they give us comfort. We repeat these stories because we believe that they justify why we haven't reached our destinations of peace, joy, and fulfillment.<br />
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You may feel like your life has turned into one big traffic jam. You feel stagnant, as if you aren't moving forward and you can't start over. You may have a history filled with rationale on why you took the path you took. Your childhood may have been less than stellar. Your romantic relationships might mirror slapstick comedies more than a moving romance. Your professional career may be inconsistent and uninspiring, but all of that exists in yesterday. As long as your internal dialogue is focused on what was, your external life can't become what's possible. Your stories should be used help you process, not hinder your progress. Truth is meant to liberate and bring clarity, not to keep you confined and clouded. Don't use the truth as an excuse.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-33270122846811411832015-08-11T07:00:00.001-04:002015-08-11T13:48:06.529-04:00More<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I wasn't going to blog this week. What has been on my mind most is far too fresh for me to fully process. Plus, I did not feel free nor confident enough to share. Yet before I shut down and gave up, I realized that this was precisely the time that I needed to press through and find my message in the midst of the haze.<br />
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When we move beyond the shock of a life-changing, emotional situation, it is wise to reflect. Reflection is where we discover clarity and achieve growth. Reflection gives us the space to articulate our feelings and shows us how to work through and with those feelings. Reflection provides us with the confidence to know that we will survive future hardships and the guidance needed to move beyond survival. Yet what are we supposed to do make it to that point? How do we find our way out of heartache while in the center of it? How do we push further when we already feel completely stretched? How do we find the strength to go on when it takes everything in us just to function? The short answer is to do exactly what we don't feel like doing.<br />
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When life delivers a significant blow our initial reaction is tied to our comfort zone. Some of us run. We run to work, run to take care of others, run to activities, run to retail therapy, or even run to create a totally different life. We run because it seems safer than remaining. We are comforted by the distractions and convince ourselves that being removed from the situation will remove us from the heartache. However, heartache cannot be outran. It attaches itself to us, taking a free ride wherever we go. When we exhaust ourselves from running, there it is, ready to be dealt with while we're out of energy and sometimes, out of the range of our support system.<br />
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Instead of running to things, people, and new surroundings, some of us retreat. Some of us take all of the hurt, anger, and fear and internalize it. We tell ourselves that talking about it is pointless because it will not change the situation. Or we believe that we can't trust anyone with it. The truth is that we don't trust ourselves to be that open. We are terrified that if we open up we will lose control so we sentence ourselves to silence. We think our heartache is losing its strength and power under our self-imposed gag order while it is actually increasing as it feeds off of our strength and depletes us of our power.<br />
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I have been guilty of both running and retreating. In each case, I tried to ignore my emotions, foolishly hopeful that since they weren't invited they would take the hint and leave. Whether I ran or retreated, they never left. They simply waited. This time around, I'm doing neither. I'm doing what is not tied to my comfort zone. I'm not running. I'm not retreating. I'm doing exactly what I don't feel like doing. I'm pressing through. I'm finding my message in the midst of the haze. I am dealing.<br />
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Instead of running, I'm acknowledging what I feel and not categorizing those feelings as right or wrong nor good or bad. They simply are. Instead of retreating, I'm actively reaching out to those who support me. I want more so I am doing more. When I reach the reflection phase of this particular situation, I will have more strength, more courage, and more confidence in my ability to do more than simply survive.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-88794010729506195442015-08-04T07:00:00.000-04:002015-08-04T17:00:46.279-04:00Decision Cycles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We are in a continuous cycle of decision-making. We contemplate decisions, act on decisions, and live with the consequences of decisions. As we go through these cycles, our emotions go through changes as well. It is rare that we feel anything—trust, fear, joy, sadness, excitement, or dread—the entire time that we work through our decisions.<br />
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Last month I packed up my life and relocated to California. The contemplation phase of making this choice was easy, fun, exciting, and brought me joy. Everything about making my decision was thrilling. I was going to a beautiful location featuring the ocean on one side and mountains on the other. I was starting a challenging and amazing position that seemed tailor-made for my professional experience and personal interests. I was moving to a walkable neighborhood that made my desire to park my car on weekends realistic. I was joining a laid-back yet social community that fit my personality. This move was perfect! However, acting on the move was far from perfect.<br />
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The action phase of my decision—my perfect decision during the contemplation phase—was stressful and emotional. The first moving company I hired was a no-show, five days before I was scheduled to leave. The driver that was supposed to ship my vehicle took it on a joyride. My perfect, no-brainer decision came with unexpected, major difficulty. I wondered if I missed the mark. How could something that started so perfectly become so problematic? Did I want this change so badly that I imagined more assurance and confirmation than actually existed? Had I made a mistake?<br />
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As you go through decision cycles, it's vital that you remain connected to your state of mind when you made your decision. Even the most beautiful, peaceful, and necessary decisions can come with pain, disruption, and challenges. The discomfort you may feel during the action phase of your decision should not shake your confidence and dilute your joy. Press forward. Remain stable. Hold on until you get to the satisfying state of living out the consequences of your decisions. I know I'm glad I'm living out the consequences of mine.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-67583592489617845562015-07-28T07:00:00.000-04:002017-08-03T10:47:48.565-04:00Beauty Remains<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I took a quick road trip over the weekend and what I saw was stunning. As I rounded corners and came over hills, incredible ocean and mountain views seemed to rise from nowhere. Before I even reached my destination, my trip was worth it.<br />
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I took the same route on my way back home, yet what I saw was drastically different. Rather than green hills, the rolling blue ocean and dancing sun rays, there was vast darkness. The beauty hadn't disappeared. The grand mountains and the majestic ocean remained, but under the night sky, all I could see was massive emptiness.<br />
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Beauty surrounds us, but it is not always obvious. Circumstances can alter our perspective, distorting sources of beauty and blocking others. Major life changes—illness, divorce, the death of a loved one, etc.—can shake our core, making beauty difficult to recognize under the darkness of our emotion. Even when we can't see it, beauty remains. We may need to simply continue on our journey, round the next corner, go over the next hill, or wait until the rise of the sun to see it, but beauty remains. It never leaves. There is beauty in every season. There is beauty in every breath. There is beauty in hope. There is beauty in love. There is beauty in life. We are surrounded by beauty, created in beauty, and made up of beauty. Despite our placement, circumstances, and life changes, beauty remains.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-56954759759109651962015-07-14T07:00:00.000-04:002015-07-14T07:00:01.285-04:00Beliefs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ask about someone's beliefs and you are asking about the core of who she is. It's no wonder that religion is one of the most emotionally charged and personal conversations in which you can engage. For that reason, I typically refrain from posting or even commenting on posts via social media about political issues with religious implications or religious debates stemming from politics. Though I don't publically have those discussions, I am often grieved by how this country is becoming increasingly divided on public issues because of private beliefs. The visceral reactions that radiate from the monitor of my computer screen send me through a range of emotions and lead me to ask, "Yes, but what if you're wrong?"<br />
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Like most of my friends, I grew up attending religious services. Over the years, I came to understand every moment like a well-rehearsed play. I knew that depending on how the keyboardist played certain notes to a certain tempo whether we were going to sing for two more minutes or twenty. I knew exactly which scriptures would accompany specific messages. I knew what responses the pastor was seeking as s/he ended the sermon and whether that sermon had two closings or four. Part of that ritual and knowing it so well led me to challenge what I was taught and that was terrifying because what I was taught is what I believed.<br />
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While it was jarring for me to challenge my beliefs, I am now stronger, freer, and living a fuller life than I imagined. Asking hard questions brought clarity and peace. I considered those living the lifestyle I strived for. I learned lessons from spiritual leaders outside of the sources I was presented. I listened to what was within and realized that spirituality is much larger than the boundaries of religion.<br />
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Challenge yourself. If you are willing to base your entire life, and in some cases, demand that others do the same, on a system of beliefs why not ask some hard questions? How do you feel about the way your life expresses your beliefs? Even more important, does your life express your beliefs? Do you fully comprehend your beliefs? Are they truly yours or those of your parents, grandparents, pastor, preacher, bishop, or priest? Finally, here's the toughest question: what if you are wrong? How would you feel about the love and compassion (or lack thereof) you demonstrated? How would you feel about the way you responded to others who don't believe as you do? Would you need to reconcile with anyone? Would your life still be filled with everything you value? Would your life still have meaning? What do you truly believe?Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-41793434602528975212015-07-07T07:00:00.000-04:002015-07-13T12:45:26.484-04:00Strength<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Strength is a trait that I admire and have made a conscious effort to not just display but exude. My past was unnecessarily painful and that pain was complicated by a decision to keep it secret. As I got older, what I felt became harder to ignore. Instead of sitting dormant, that pain gathered power and threatened to direct me toward an unhealthy lifestyle. Though I didn't gravitate toward abusing substances or relationships, my numbing agent of choice was just as detrimental. I turned all of that hurt, confusion, shame, and anger on myself. It felt safer to unleash that negativity internally rather than set it free. Yet that false safety existed only because it was what I was accustomed to doing—I'd learned it from others and became quite skilled at it.<br />
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I told my story, but not honestly. I told the narrative, but not how I was impacted. I didn't want others to know the truth—that my pain was not past, but very present. I remained dumbfounded at the mere thought of what I experienced. I was debilitated at times by the weight of it. The memories had such a hold on my heart that at times I couldn't breathe. It was so incredible that my goal became to prevent myself from feeling. As soon as that darkness threatened to hold me, I ran. I ran to a book. I ran to another city. I ran to the nearest distraction that I could because I was terrified that sitting with it would drown me. I feared that if I fully felt it I would never ever recover.<br />
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Hearing others tell me that I was strong went from encouraging to disheartening. I felt like a fraud. Those calling me strong never saw me running from a memory, stuck in a flashback, or in tears because of a news story or television show that was too familiar. In my corrupted mind, strength was found in not feeling so my goal, though unrealistic and undesirable, became not to feel.<br />
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Strength is found in fighting and feeling, not in fighting feeling. Strength is what you develop when you are honest about what makes you feel less than strong and do the work needed to make progress. Turning unexpressed feelings on yourself, feelings of guilt, shame, weakness, despair, and hopelessness is detrimental and can make wholeness seem impossible. Fortunately, wholeness is not impossible and strength is not elusive. Quite simply, the way to develop strength is to be strong.<br />
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Stand up today and agree to keep standing. Strength is not determined by the number of days you feel less than strong, it is determined by what you do when you have those feelings and the decision you make to continue to stand. Body builders develop strength by lifting weights. Similarly, you develop emotional strength by working through, not ignoring, the weight of your past and using it to build you up instead of allowing the fear of feeling to build up inside of you. Everything you need to be strong already exists and it all exists within you.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-84651703978640414432015-06-23T07:00:00.000-04:002015-12-22T17:15:09.760-05:00Connections<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Airports facilitate travel and represent movement. The intent of going to the airport is to go elsewhere. Over the weekend, on my last trip to Michigan before moving to California, weather issues caused me to miss my connection. Unfortunately, the flight I missed was the last one to Kalamazoo and there were no hotel rooms or rental cars available. I was stuck in the airport for more than 9 hours. Obviously, this was not ideal, but I settled in for an all-nighter.<br />
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I pulled out my journal, planning to process thoughts related to my upcoming move, but it wasn't long before I realized that in all of my travels, this was only my second time being stranded overnight. The first time was when my dad passed away. Ironically, this second time, it was the eve of Father’s Day.<br />
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Having traveled to cities all over the United States and to more than 20 countries, it's a bit unusual that I have only been stranded overnight twice. Even more unusual is that those two times had connections to my father. My first time being stuck was when I found out that he died and this second time it was the eve of Father's Day, but the connections didn't end there. The airport where I was stranded for the second time was in Chicago, the very same airport I was heading to the first time, back in 2011. That led me to thinking about the first anniversary of his death. Though not stranded, I spent that day in an airport as well, in Detroit, in the very same airport that he dropped me off, the last time I saw him.<br />
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These connections are not mere coincidence. Four years following his death, as I negotiate the mixed emotions and busyness associated with relocating, I think these connections were my father’s way of saying, "I'm with you." Airports were an obvious choice to let me know that it doesn’t matter where I go, what phase of life I’m in, whether I’m settled or getting ready for a major life change, he’s with me. It’s so like him to use Father’s Day, a time designed to celebrate him and his impact in my life, to give me such a needed and timely gift. I spent Father's Day in an airport, a place designed for movement, being reminded that his presence will remain constant in my life.<br />
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Be mindful of life's connections. There may be events that appear coincidental or inconvenient, but if you give yourself space to look a little closer, you may find much more than coincidence and inconvenience. You may find a common thread and a needed message. You may find that life is trying to remind you of your impact, that you are important, that you are on the right track, that you are undeniably loved, and that you have purpose greater than you realize.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-75677357849785315982015-06-09T07:00:00.000-04:002015-06-09T07:00:07.798-04:00Honor Yourself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My tolerance is typically high. Even when I think someone is being intentionally insensitive, I try not to hoard or internalize that insensitivity. Most of the time I am successful, but I received a message recently that pushed me off center. Instead of ushering in calm, I willingly and joyfully entertained clever responses with the purpose of making that person aware that his/her attempt to insert more significance in my life than s/he had was futile. I had to consider, though, if that was true, why was I exerting energy trying to prove it? Most importantly, would my fiesty and venomous retort honor me?<br />
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Most people treat us according to their perception of what we can do for them or whether they feel threatened by our behavior. Our perceptions and life choices can reveal similarities or differences in others that they admire or despise. In many cases, we impact others in ways that we are unaware of and would be surprised to discover. What happens, though, when we are treated with less than kindness? How do we remain committed to our peace of mind when others threaten it for reasons we are not fully aware?<br />
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I read that message repeatedly. I sent it to a few friends to compare their reactions so that I could determine if I interpreted it appropriately. They confirmed my suspicion—the message was not well-intentioned. Yet I still had a decision to make. Would I let his/her intentions, even if they were purely evil and I don't believe they were that far down the spectrum, change me by changing the way I normally deal with insensitivity? Would I let this one message push me from my center?<br />
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There may be occasions when you are the recipient of insensitivity and intentional rudeness. Someone may treat you in a way that is unjustified. Someone may displace negative feelings on you because you are a safe target. Someone may intentionally try to hurt you for no other reason than s/he is unhappy. It is not up to you to figure it out, diagnose it, or get even. What you are responsible for is honoring yourself. Honor yourself when others don't. Honor yourself when others don't try. Honor yourself when others don't understand. Honor yourself even when others don't care enough to honor themselves.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-19586601584783524762015-06-02T07:00:00.000-04:002015-06-02T11:36:54.353-04:00Misguided Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Silence is powerful and like most things, its power exists on opposite ends of the spectrum. When facing major life decisions or crises, stillness leads us to proper perspective and the answers needed to move forward. Silence is critical for clarity. However, there is another side of silence that is devastating—the misguided silence that we impose on ourselves when we need to speak up.<br />
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I was abused for seven years and the memories of that abuse lodged themselves equally between my mind and my heart. They traveled back and forth, their meticulousness tortured me and the raw emotion that accompanied them tormented me. Though I was an adult, in a safe physical and emotional space, those memories could shove me back to pain-filled places. For years I thought that the act of remembering was what rendered me powerless. Consequently, I believed that in order to stop the powerlessness and pain I had to stop remembering. This plan was unrealistic and unreasonable. I set myself up to fail. When the memories returned, I would not only be thrust into immense sadness, I would also be angry with myself for not being able to do the impossible. Remembering wasn't the problem. Being quiet about what I remembered and how it impacted my life is what suffocated my strength. My silence complicated my pain.<br />
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There may be one major situation or several that have led you to believe that you don't have a voice or that you don't deserve to be heard. It could have been a one-time incident or repeated occurrences. Maybe you have been silenced by the actions, words, or lack of actions from a parent, spouse, or other relative. Most likely, your silence is the result of a combination of circumstances and harmful lessons. No matter the reason(s), it's not too late to take another direction. It's not too late to speak up. It's not too late for you to break the cycle of misguided silence. Through the process of speaking up you will not only find your voice but you will ignite your healing process. Find your voice and you'll discover your power.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5387514977676373759.post-2455533307089382982015-05-05T07:00:00.000-04:002015-05-05T07:00:05.536-04:00Honest View<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It doesn't matter how many times I fly, if I am seated next to a window I take at least one picture of the clouds. I consider my view of the world and want to capture it as a reminder of my vision at that moment. On my most recent flight I took a photo and quickly decided it wasn't good enough simply because the wing of the plane snuck into view. As I prepared to take another photo of the same scene, slightly to the right, I asked myself why I needed to recreate the same moment with an unobstructed view. Even with the wing, it was a beautiful sight, yet I judged my picture, something used for reflection, through the critical eye of perfection. How come I couldn't just accept my view honestly and completely?<br />
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Digital photography and photo editing makes it hard to detect if what we see is indeed what we get. The adage "pictures don't lie" is no longer true. Pictures lie and then lie some more. We can even edit the photos we take on our phones, from our phones. The problem with this constant need to only broadcast perfection is that it leaves us with the impression that there is no room nor desire for anything else, none of the characteristics that make us unique and none of the things that highlight a certain phase in our lives or given moment in time. Our refusal to see life as it is prevents us from understanding and appreciating where we are, where we've been, and where we are capable of going. Without an authentic look at the present, at best, we will only haphazardly stumble into the future.<br />
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Perfection is not what compels your loved ones to love you. Those only interested in a falsified perspective are not worthy of your concern nor your time. Those who do love you, love you because they see you, completely. They love who you are and not some edited image that you portray. Perfection is not the driving force of self-love, either. Self-love is pure and genuine. Self-love is consistent. Self-love is unconditional. However, before you can love yourself you have to see yourself, authentically and without apology. Then, you can let others see you, authentically and without apology. Your life is a beautiful compilation of moments, emotions, and circumstances that deserves to be fully appreciated and recognized in all of its complexity, even when something you didn't anticipate sneaks into the picture.Myla Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15910724955971576512noreply@blogger.com0