Consider More

A year ago I lived 70 miles from where I grew up, in southwest Michigan, working for my undergraduate alma mater. Now, 365 days later, my life doesn’t even resemble what it did. I'm 2,200 miles away from my hometown, nestled between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, working with a university system of which I had no previous ties. This massive life change was in the works long before I realized, but it would not have happened if I wasn't willing to consider possibility.

My life last year was good. It was the perfect blend of unfamiliar familiarity. The cities I'd left more than a decade ago had grown and changed, as I had, so it was like being reintroduced to a former love. I was surrounded by childhood friends and making new ones. My job was professionally and personally satisfying. I felt like I was in a groove, a really good groove. I was comfortable...and that's when I started hearing a faint whisper, urging me with the words, "Consider more."

That simple yet powerful prompt led me to ask myself what was missing. I looked around my office and thought, "The only thing missing from my job is international education. I would love to do what I'm doing now for a study abroad program." Giving myself permission to consider more from a career that I was already grateful for allowed me to search for precisely what I wanted. Not a variation, no need to compromise. I didn't need a new job, I was simply considering more.

A casual search on a seemingly random day initiated a huge life change. Yes, insecurity crept in. Fear tried to dominate the conversation. But I was driven by the urge to consider more. I had to consider more than where I was. I had to consider more than insecurity and more than fear. I needed to consider possibility and within one year, what was once just possible became my everyday.

As you look back over 2015, you may feel that the year didn't deliver what you'd hoped. Maybe you didn't deliver. I challenge you to consider more. It only takes one realization to drastically change your life. In 2016, consider more. Consider more than your job. Consider more than comfort. Consider more for your family. Consider more for yourself. Consider more than insecurity. Consider more than fear. Consider possibility. Before you can change your everyday you must first believe that it's possible and if you're willing, it is absolutely possible.

Possibility

From the time we learned to talk, we were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" If it wasn't our parents asking, it was our aunts/uncles, neighbors, church members, parents of friends, and teachers. Once we reached our final year of high school, the question changed. "What do you want to be," became, "What do you want to do?" It's a slight variation, but a significant one. It's the first time we become aware that according to others, our identities, our lives, are defined by doing, not being. It's the first time that reality speaks louder than possibility.

As we grow older we consider some tough realities. What if what I wanted to be isn't what I will do? What if I cannot become what I said? What if doing something (getting a job, earning a living) is more important than becoming someone (a writer, an artist)? What if life requires me to choose?

Possibility is an amazing, liberating, and exciting concept. Possibility can motivate and inspire. When we fully grasp and accept the possibility that exists in our lives, we become powerful. Unfortunately, as we get older, our notion of possibility diminishes. We lose the confidence to dream and develop an unhealthy, consistent trust in fear. We fear failing. We fear disappointment. We fear fully living. We take our fear and live to avoid it. We convince ourselves that we can't fail, be disappointed or become a disappointment if we give up possibility for what's likely and safe. Our lives reflect our fears rather than our dreams.

Have you lost perspective on what's possible in your life? Have you relinquished the confidence to envision more? Does your life reflect your fears rather than your dreams?

Possibility is not just for other people. Possibility is not lost on you. Possibility is not limited to your conditions or assumptions. Life may have required you to make tough choices. Some of your decisions may not have been your best. Still, you get to decide again. Today, you get to determine what happens next. You have the opportunity to accept possibility no matter how many times you rejected it prior. What do you want to be? An example of fear or a demonstration of possibility? It's not too late. You are enough. You are more than what you've done. Now, what do you want to be?

Say Yes by Doing

Last week I walked across the campus of Western Michigan University to observe a sociology class. It was a seemingly simple occasion, one that typically wouldn't mean much, but as I approached Sangren Hall I was convinced that my decision to sit in that class would alter my life. I even took a photo because I wanted to forever capture the seconds leading up to me saying yes.

Most of us can recall with great detail major moments that have shaped our lives—receiving an acceptance letter to the school of our dreams, graduation, a proposal, a wedding, our first international trip, the birth of a child, etc. These large moments are etched into our minds and often marked in photographs and in the memories of others. They are landmark occasions and should be treated as such. However, it is our day-to-day living that leads up to those milestone moments. What we say yes to today determines the course of our lives tomorrow.

Maybe you have considered returning to school. Say yes by doing the steps necessary to apply and attend. Maybe you would like to welcome love into your life. Say yes by doing more than working or watching Netflix on weekends. Maybe you are interested in securing a new job. Say yes by updating your resumé, making your cover letter sell your skills, and searching. Maybe you want to share your story to help others overcome the same challenges you have overcome. Say yes by making meaningful connections that will result in opportunities for you to do just that.

If you are talking about a new life, new surroundings, or new connections more than you are taking action, you have to ask if you truly want it as badly as you say. Change is a verb. It is an action word. Change does not come with complaining, fussing, nor mere wishing and willing. If you want to change your life you must say yes by doing.

How did observing a sociology class alter the course of my life? That story is still being written, but please know that I, too, am saying yes by doing. Stay tuned, friends.

Defense

There are circumstances where defense should be expected. Providing defense is normal and necessary to advance and win in higher education, sports, and a court room. Yet what's normal in those circumstances doesn't translate to a requirement elsewhere.

For reasons stemming from religious beliefs to social media protocol, we have been trained to defend everything and require others to provide a defense to us. We've bought into the idea so heavily that we assume those without a defense, those who lack a proper one—according to an arbitrary standard, or those who flat out refuse to provide a defense are out of line. After all, those who cannot or will not defend their choices are making choices that are invalid or wrong, right?

I have made many unconventional choices. I've lived on a ship for 100 days on two occasions. I've relocated several times and didn't always have a job lined up. I haven't pursued marriage or motherhood which to some makes me less feminine, less fulfilled, or simply, less than. However, my choices have brought much more to my life than I ever anticipated. As interesting, outlandish, and unusual as they may seem, my choices were right for me then and continue to sustain me now. I'd much rather spend my time and energy planning my next adventure than defending my adventure.

Those who require a well-versed, eloquent explanation will not hear your heart. Those who demand traditional, scripture-laden reasoning cannot feel your spirit. Those who need to be convinced of your relevance do not completely see you. This is your life. It is not a dissertation. It is not a game. It is not a trial. If you are confident in your choices, live in that confidence. Trust yourself and know that you are not required to justify, explain, nor defend. You have value. You have worth. Your life matters simply because you exist and there is no defense needed for that.

How Did I Get Here?

I attended a workshop where participants were asked how they arrived at their place of employment. I listened to my neighbor’s story and then shared my own. Both of us had a similar sentiment—it wasn’t a haphazard or random arrival. All of us arrive where we are because of a series of choices and actions, but we don't often fully understand how our choices and actions guided us to our present life until we look through the lens of reflection.

Being a newbie at my job I am often asked where I was prior. My story is a bit complicated and at a glance, it appears random and disjointed. It may seem that I lack focus and commitment or that I chase life instead of live it. I will admit that there were times when I couldn’t see the thread because I was solely focused on what was directly in front of me. Yet through the lens of reflection, there has always been a thread of commonality that served as my compass.

I’m sure you have had moments where all you could see was what you were directly facing—times when you couldn’t decipher a life track or even a consistent direction. You may have even asked yourself, “How did I get here?” ‘Here’ could be a job, a location, a point in a relationship, a role, or an obligation. 'Here' could also represent a financial status or an emotional state. Whatever your ‘here’ is, there is a common thread. Think about your decisions and how you typically come to make them. Evaluate your spending and saving habits. Examine those you’ve permitted to be in your inner circle. Consider what you surround yourself with, what you let permeate your mood (types of music, television shows, activities, books, etc.) and why. You will find that there are threads connecting all of your choices.

There is always room for improvement so if you need to make adjustments, make adjustments. If you find yourself in need of an overhaul, please know that you must stop beating yourself up. What’s done is done. All you can do now is start today. Pinpoint what has been driving your decisions and evaluate what/who you can use as inspiration—your children, images of a better future, etc.—to redirect the foundation for your decision-making. What you’ll discover over time is that even periods of redirection are merely additional threads in the story of how you get where you are destined to arrive. The story isn’t over yet. Make it an exceptional one.

Transitions

For weeks I have wanted to share my perspective on transitions. I’d been through enough of them to know how to articulate the process. I was very familiar with the uncertainty, frustration, waiting, more frustration, and finally, clarity. I could talk about the struggle of wanting to peek into the future to know just a little bit more before having to make a decision, but still having to make the decision. Yet, there was a transition I needed to complete before I could write this post.

After spending four months traveling around the world, I fluctuated between desperately wanting to start a new life and enjoying freedom of not having to rush into a routine. What I longed for most was a definitive answer. I found myself unclear, uncertain, and approaching a fearful place. I honestly didn’t know what would be my best course of action. Was I supposed to become more focused on creating the next phase of my life or was I to learn to appreciate the free space?

I can honestly say that even in my moments of doubt, I knew in my soul that I simply needed to trust. Trusting is obviously easier said than implemented, but I found comfort in knowing that all I needed to do was trust. That realization gave me reason to believe that everything would work out in my favor, for my benefit. Trusting through the transition gave me hope even if it didn’t always make me feel hopeful.

In the months that followed, I watched others make progress, get closer to their next phase, and get the answers I wanted. The more time that passed, the harder I had to work to keep my feelings stable and trust that I would eventually receive all that I needed. It took eight months, but all of the concrete answers I sought were delivered. Suddenly, all of the waiting, uncertainty, and frustration dissolved. I am clear, thankful, and hopeful. As I walk into the next phase of my life, everything makes sense. Every single thing!
 

Transitions are difficult, especially while we’re in the middle of them. What would happen, though, if we conditioned ourselves to appreciate the freedom that exists in uncertain spaces instead of fearing it? How would uncertainty feel if we treated it as a favorable circumstance instead of a threatening one? When we reach the end of a transition we often have an ‘aha’ moment, a time when it all makes sense. All of the wavering. All of the seemingly haphazard events. All of the rejection that pushed us to become more and better. We come out of a haze and into clarity. If our past has shown us that we’ll end up in a more favorable place at the end of a transition than we were in the beginning, we need to learn a better, more healthy way to get through the in-between stage of transitioning.