Clarity

I recently made a tough decision. One that I knew would be questioned, misunderstood, and cause conflict. It was one of those choices where I drew a line in the sand and accepted that life as I knew it would no longer exist. Despite the threat of causing turmoil, I was not only certain, I was strengthened. After years of emotional work and confirming my sources of support I had to trust in the outcome of my process—clarity.
We all have at least one life challenge that has shoved us to both edges of our sanity spectrum. It is that issue that the mere thought of can cause us to doubt our sense of worth or encourage us into believing in our own power. It can reek havoc on all of our relationships or draw us in closer to those who love us. It can demonstrate all that is wrong with the randomness of life yet illustrate grace in its purest form. If we commit to connecting to our power, drawing closer to our loved ones, and choosing grace over grievances then we can trust in the outcome of our process and walk in the clarity we inherently seek and need.
When presented with this latest situation I had to look beyond that decision. On the surface, I was making a complex choice, but as I weighed my options I discovered that ultimately, what I needed to choose was clarity. Once I looked through the lens of clarity, my choice became undeniably clear. There were no other options. I wanted clarity more than I wanted to people-please. I wanted clarity more than I wanted to do the "right" thing. I wanted clarity more than I wanted to be justified, understood, or validated.
Life constantly presents you with tests in the form of choices. Your choices reflect the outcome of your process. Can you trust in the outcome of your process?

Read last week's post, Power of a Selfie.

How Did I Get Here?

I attended a workshop where participants were asked how they arrived at their place of employment. I listened to my neighbor’s story and then shared my own. Both of us had a similar sentiment—it wasn’t a haphazard or random arrival. All of us arrive where we are because of a series of choices and actions, but we don't often fully understand how our choices and actions guided us to our present life until we look through the lens of reflection.

Being a newbie at my job I am often asked where I was prior. My story is a bit complicated and at a glance, it appears random and disjointed. It may seem that I lack focus and commitment or that I chase life instead of live it. I will admit that there were times when I couldn’t see the thread because I was solely focused on what was directly in front of me. Yet through the lens of reflection, there has always been a thread of commonality that served as my compass.

I’m sure you have had moments where all you could see was what you were directly facing—times when you couldn’t decipher a life track or even a consistent direction. You may have even asked yourself, “How did I get here?” ‘Here’ could be a job, a location, a point in a relationship, a role, or an obligation. 'Here' could also represent a financial status or an emotional state. Whatever your ‘here’ is, there is a common thread. Think about your decisions and how you typically come to make them. Evaluate your spending and saving habits. Examine those you’ve permitted to be in your inner circle. Consider what you surround yourself with, what you let permeate your mood (types of music, television shows, activities, books, etc.) and why. You will find that there are threads connecting all of your choices.

There is always room for improvement so if you need to make adjustments, make adjustments. If you find yourself in need of an overhaul, please know that you must stop beating yourself up. What’s done is done. All you can do now is start today. Pinpoint what has been driving your decisions and evaluate what/who you can use as inspiration—your children, images of a better future, etc.—to redirect the foundation for your decision-making. What you’ll discover over time is that even periods of redirection are merely additional threads in the story of how you get where you are destined to arrive. The story isn’t over yet. Make it an exceptional one.

What Are You Accepting?

Every single day we are given the opportunity to begin again. We may wake up in the same home, take the same route to the same job, and have the same three restaurant options for lunch, but our choices dictate the course of our lives. What we accept for ourselves and from ourselves determines how we live.

Acceptance is a powerful concept. Obviously if you are asked if you want something and you say yes, you have accepted it. Yet if you are presented with something and you don’t refuse it, that is also acceptance. Let's say you have a job that is not maximizing all of your skills and talents. Remaining in that job over an extended period of time indicates that you have accepted that job...until you take steps necessary to move forward. Likewise, if you remain in a relationship that is not emotional beneficial to you then you have accepted that relationship as a part of your life. What you accept for yourself determines how you live.

Some find satisfaction or feel better not making a decision, but choosing not to act is also making a decision. Not making a decision is choosing to accept your life as it is. Don’t be an inactive participant in your life. It’s yours and it's the only one you have!

Live Your Life

Lately, many of my conversations have centered on my decision to accept a temporary position with Semester At Sea. While most have expressed nothing but excitement, a few have focused on the risk involved with packing up my life, throwing caution to the wind, and walking away from normalcy for four months. A few have heard the news and immediately directed their attention on the uncertainty. Some saw the unknown as something to be feared. I noticed the contrast between how they perceived my situation and how I perceived it, yet I didn’t feel the need to persuade them. It isn’t my responsibility to defend my life; it’s my responsibility to fully live my life.

Everyone will not understand all of your choices. There will be times when you have to exercise faith in your abilities and make decisions based on your judgment. You may make choices that do not line up with the expectations of parents, family members, and friends. Sometimes you’ll even make choices that extend beyond the expectations you had for yourself. Expectations are helpful when they hold us accountable and prevent us from settling, but they are detrimental when they limit our perception and obstruct our view of a larger future. You are not required to defend your life. You are required to fully live it. Those who looked at my future and saw a road to risk and uncertainty were viewing my life through their lenses of fear, intimidation, and confinement. I don’t have to accept or play hostess to the fears and doubts of others and neither do you. Live your life well. That is the best and only defense you need to provide.