Consider More

A year ago I lived 70 miles from where I grew up, in southwest Michigan, working for my undergraduate alma mater. Now, 365 days later, my life doesn’t even resemble what it did. I'm 2,200 miles away from my hometown, nestled between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, working with a university system of which I had no previous ties. This massive life change was in the works long before I realized, but it would not have happened if I wasn't willing to consider possibility.

My life last year was good. It was the perfect blend of unfamiliar familiarity. The cities I'd left more than a decade ago had grown and changed, as I had, so it was like being reintroduced to a former love. I was surrounded by childhood friends and making new ones. My job was professionally and personally satisfying. I felt like I was in a groove, a really good groove. I was comfortable...and that's when I started hearing a faint whisper, urging me with the words, "Consider more."

That simple yet powerful prompt led me to ask myself what was missing. I looked around my office and thought, "The only thing missing from my job is international education. I would love to do what I'm doing now for a study abroad program." Giving myself permission to consider more from a career that I was already grateful for allowed me to search for precisely what I wanted. Not a variation, no need to compromise. I didn't need a new job, I was simply considering more.

A casual search on a seemingly random day initiated a huge life change. Yes, insecurity crept in. Fear tried to dominate the conversation. But I was driven by the urge to consider more. I had to consider more than where I was. I had to consider more than insecurity and more than fear. I needed to consider possibility and within one year, what was once just possible became my everyday.

As you look back over 2015, you may feel that the year didn't deliver what you'd hoped. Maybe you didn't deliver. I challenge you to consider more. It only takes one realization to drastically change your life. In 2016, consider more. Consider more than your job. Consider more than comfort. Consider more for your family. Consider more for yourself. Consider more than insecurity. Consider more than fear. Consider possibility. Before you can change your everyday you must first believe that it's possible and if you're willing, it is absolutely possible.

What Will You Do?

I didn't write a post last week. It wasn't because I ran out of time. It wasn't because I ran out of words, either. I didn't write a post because the time I normally designated for writing was spent being triumphant instead of writing a triumphant message.

Last week I stood in front of a room full of strangers and told my story—my personal, painful, and complicated story. For someone who has typically been private this was a jump. It was a jump because my way of encouraging others had mostly been to write about it. It was a jump because telling the story removed a barrier that I'd hidden behind—and had taken comfort in hiding. It was a jump because I knew that once I did it, there was no turning or taking it back. Yet it was time for me to make that jump because I needed to stop relying on my words and let my actions be my message.

Far too often we try to make our words larger than life and act as if repetition or loudness is more convincing and honest than behavior. We post messages on social media reflecting what we want others to think about us. We tell people we are sorry and do the same things we've apologized for repeatedly. We say we want to improve and change our lives yet do nothing more brave, difficult, or demanding than we've done in years prior. We post, we tell, and we say and the only person we fool is ourselves.

Does your life reflect what you say? Does what you talk about most reveal the lifestyle you internally desire? Have you started believing that you will have the life you want solely because of your words? There comes a time when you have to make your actions your message. Elevation requires movement, not mere words.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." What will you do? You have purpose. You have something to give. Your message matters. It's time for you—and me—to let your actions become your message. Again, what will you do?

Reflection

Reflection is a powerful and necessary part of self-discovery. Unfortunately, few of us engage in self-reflection because it requires a level of honesty that we fear. In order for reflection to be effective we have to ask ourselves some tough questions and dig deep for the real answers. It's only when we get to the truth that we can live out our truth.

I used to put those close to me through a trust test. I’d reveal a nugget of information and evaluate their reaction before believing I had evidence that I could and should divulge more. I’m not exactly sure what constituted a passing reaction, but this method brought me comfort for a while. Eventually, as I desired to be more authentic, my comfort dissolved. All that time I assumed that those trust tests revealed something about those I examined. The truth? My need to test trust revealed more about me. Why did I think that was necessary? What was I hoping to avoid or confirm? How would those I loved feel if they knew I was testing them? Why did I feel the need to test the people I carefully chose to be a close part of my life?

Asking questions and forcing myself to give truthful answers was not easy. I convinced myself that I was testing trust because I needed confirmation that I could trust them. That was easier to accept than the truth. I gave others my trust test because I didn’t trust my choices and I didn't trust my choices because I doubted self-worth. Imagine my surprise. I was the one person I felt I could trust yet I was engaging in this ridiculous behavior because I couldn't even trust my own relationship choices or my worth.

Take the steps and time necessary to do some self-reflection. Not only will you be granted with clarity to make better choices, but you'll also know what areas of your life require your attention and as a result, you'll improve your relationships with others, as well as yourself. Ever since I discovered my lack of trust in self and worth I have been able to focus on improving the areas that need work instead of the areas that felt safer to work on. Not only do I feel better and more clear, but my relationships are better and richer.