Decision Cycles

We are in a continuous cycle of decision-making. We contemplate decisions, act on decisions, and live with the consequences of decisions. As we go through these cycles, our emotions go through changes as well. It is rare that we feel anything—trust, fear, joy, sadness, excitement, or dread—the entire time that we work through our decisions.

Last month I packed up my life and relocated to California. The contemplation phase of making this choice was easy, fun, exciting, and brought me joy. Everything about making my decision was thrilling. I was going to a beautiful location featuring the ocean on one side and mountains on the other. I was starting a challenging and amazing position that seemed tailor-made for my professional experience and personal interests. I was moving to a walkable neighborhood that made my desire to park my car on weekends realistic. I was joining a laid-back yet social community that fit my personality. This move was perfect! However, acting on the move was far from perfect.

The action phase of my decision—my perfect decision during the contemplation phase—was stressful and emotional. The first moving company I hired was a no-show, five days before I was scheduled to leave. The driver that was supposed to ship my vehicle took it on a joyride. My perfect, no-brainer decision came with unexpected, major difficulty. I wondered if I missed the mark. How could something that started so perfectly become so problematic? Did I want this change so badly that I imagined more assurance and confirmation than actually existed? Had I made a mistake?

As you go through decision cycles, it's vital that you remain connected to your state of mind when you made your decision. Even the most beautiful, peaceful, and necessary decisions can come with pain, disruption, and challenges. The discomfort you may feel during the action phase of your decision should not shake your confidence and dilute your joy. Press forward. Remain stable. Hold on until you get to the satisfying state of living out the consequences of your decisions. I know I'm glad I'm living out the consequences of mine.

Say Yes by Doing

Last week I walked across the campus of Western Michigan University to observe a sociology class. It was a seemingly simple occasion, one that typically wouldn't mean much, but as I approached Sangren Hall I was convinced that my decision to sit in that class would alter my life. I even took a photo because I wanted to forever capture the seconds leading up to me saying yes.

Most of us can recall with great detail major moments that have shaped our lives—receiving an acceptance letter to the school of our dreams, graduation, a proposal, a wedding, our first international trip, the birth of a child, etc. These large moments are etched into our minds and often marked in photographs and in the memories of others. They are landmark occasions and should be treated as such. However, it is our day-to-day living that leads up to those milestone moments. What we say yes to today determines the course of our lives tomorrow.

Maybe you have considered returning to school. Say yes by doing the steps necessary to apply and attend. Maybe you would like to welcome love into your life. Say yes by doing more than working or watching Netflix on weekends. Maybe you are interested in securing a new job. Say yes by updating your resumé, making your cover letter sell your skills, and searching. Maybe you want to share your story to help others overcome the same challenges you have overcome. Say yes by making meaningful connections that will result in opportunities for you to do just that.

If you are talking about a new life, new surroundings, or new connections more than you are taking action, you have to ask if you truly want it as badly as you say. Change is a verb. It is an action word. Change does not come with complaining, fussing, nor mere wishing and willing. If you want to change your life you must say yes by doing.

How did observing a sociology class alter the course of my life? That story is still being written, but please know that I, too, am saying yes by doing. Stay tuned, friends.

Strive

I am proud of my circle of support. It consists of strong, intelligent, fun, funny, clever, kind, and considerate people who make me nearly pity anyone who doesn't have the pleasure of knowing them. What I find fascinating about my circle is that while each has discovered success, all have taken very different paths. What binds us together, though, has nothing to do with how we earn our living, but how we live. In addition to being considerate of one another, each one of us has an internal need to strive and I not only support our individual need to strive, I admire it.

Whether it's based on natural ability, circumstances, or some combination of the two, everyone has aspirations. Not everyone listens to or works with that internal force to strive, but we all have it and must be mindful that the decisions we make repeatedly expose our commitments, not what we say and certainly not what we simply wish. What we strive for is revealed in our habitual behavior.

What do you strive to do or become? Before you answer, remember that strive is a verb. It is a word of action. Also, don't limit yourself to what you think is appropriate or acceptable. You could strive to become a business owner, an author, or a professional musician just as you can strive to be healthy, emotionally intelligent, and self-aware. Listen inwardly. What do you strive to do or become? How do your actions reflect that? If your actions don't align with your answer(s), start today. You were designed to strive and like those in my circle, where that takes you may be unique. It may differ from those in your circle, your family, or your profession. A rare vision doesn't equate to impossible, unimportant, nor pointless. It's simply rare. Ultimately, you should strive to be intentional about how you live and it is your intent and your action that will lead you toward the life you desire.

It's Your Choice

As children, our lives were largely shaped by the decisions of our parents and guardians. We couldn't dictate where we lived, who we were around, what types of foods we ate or the clothing we wore. As adults, we gained the gift of choice. Sadly, too many of us are locked in the same mentality that we held as children and willingly relinquish our ability to choose.

My childhood wasn't without challenges. I was around less than desirable people and put in some hazardous situations. As a result, in my adulthood, peace has become extremely important to me. I intentionally maintain a peaceful life. It has become so obvious that it's almost comical how quickly I will exit a situation or relationship when I feel uncomfortable and unsettled.

I wasn't always so decisive. I had to learn to make choices and make them wisely. There was a time when I felt very much like that little girl who did not have the ability to choose where she lived or with whom. For many years I remained in the company of those who brought on stress and anxiety. I did not believe I had a choice and that erroneous belief convinced me that I was powerless. However, my decision not to choose peace was still a decision. I was not powerless. I was choosing stress and anxiety by remaining in stressful and anxiety-producing situations. Being still does not always equate to being indecisive nor patient. At times being still is simply choosing where you are instead of choosing where you desire to be.

Failure or refusal to act is still very much a choice. It is a choice to remain. Most remain where they are because it feels safe and involves low or less risk. Where have you made a choice to remain? Unhappy? Unsettled? Overworked? Underemployed? Unappreciated? Depressed? Exhausted? Unfulfilled? You are not powerless. You are not required to live a life that someone else determined for you. You do not have to live out the expectations of others, no matter how lofty or lowly. This is your time. This is your life, but before you can exert your power, you must choose to acknowledge it and walk in it. It's your choice.