Strive

I am proud of my circle of support. It consists of strong, intelligent, fun, funny, clever, kind, and considerate people who make me nearly pity anyone who doesn't have the pleasure of knowing them. What I find fascinating about my circle is that while each has discovered success, all have taken very different paths. What binds us together, though, has nothing to do with how we earn our living, but how we live. In addition to being considerate of one another, each one of us has an internal need to strive and I not only support our individual need to strive, I admire it.

Whether it's based on natural ability, circumstances, or some combination of the two, everyone has aspirations. Not everyone listens to or works with that internal force to strive, but we all have it and must be mindful that the decisions we make repeatedly expose our commitments, not what we say and certainly not what we simply wish. What we strive for is revealed in our habitual behavior.

What do you strive to do or become? Before you answer, remember that strive is a verb. It is a word of action. Also, don't limit yourself to what you think is appropriate or acceptable. You could strive to become a business owner, an author, or a professional musician just as you can strive to be healthy, emotionally intelligent, and self-aware. Listen inwardly. What do you strive to do or become? How do your actions reflect that? If your actions don't align with your answer(s), start today. You were designed to strive and like those in my circle, where that takes you may be unique. It may differ from those in your circle, your family, or your profession. A rare vision doesn't equate to impossible, unimportant, nor pointless. It's simply rare. Ultimately, you should strive to be intentional about how you live and it is your intent and your action that will lead you toward the life you desire.

It's Your Choice

As children, our lives were largely shaped by the decisions of our parents and guardians. We couldn't dictate where we lived, who we were around, what types of foods we ate or the clothing we wore. As adults, we gained the gift of choice. Sadly, too many of us are locked in the same mentality that we held as children and willingly relinquish our ability to choose.

My childhood wasn't without challenges. I was around less than desirable people and put in some hazardous situations. As a result, in my adulthood, peace has become extremely important to me. I intentionally maintain a peaceful life. It has become so obvious that it's almost comical how quickly I will exit a situation or relationship when I feel uncomfortable and unsettled.

I wasn't always so decisive. I had to learn to make choices and make them wisely. There was a time when I felt very much like that little girl who did not have the ability to choose where she lived or with whom. For many years I remained in the company of those who brought on stress and anxiety. I did not believe I had a choice and that erroneous belief convinced me that I was powerless. However, my decision not to choose peace was still a decision. I was not powerless. I was choosing stress and anxiety by remaining in stressful and anxiety-producing situations. Being still does not always equate to being indecisive nor patient. At times being still is simply choosing where you are instead of choosing where you desire to be.

Failure or refusal to act is still very much a choice. It is a choice to remain. Most remain where they are because it feels safe and involves low or less risk. Where have you made a choice to remain? Unhappy? Unsettled? Overworked? Underemployed? Unappreciated? Depressed? Exhausted? Unfulfilled? You are not powerless. You are not required to live a life that someone else determined for you. You do not have to live out the expectations of others, no matter how lofty or lowly. This is your time. This is your life, but before you can exert your power, you must choose to acknowledge it and walk in it. It's your choice.

Tough Decisions

I attempt to base all of my decisions—even the seemingly mundane ones—on whether or not I'm being authentic to myself and my vision. Pursuing authenticity isn't easy, though. I get exhausted with it. There are moments when it seems too hard and complicated to be so intentional. There are even times when I wonder, "Just this once it will not be that big of a deal. It will not make that much of an impact if I falter today." Once I start bargaining and pleading, I have to remind myself that following ease and short-sighted comfort will only lead me to frustration and disappointment and neither of those are part of my plan.

We all change as a result of growth. Knowing we need to engage in a lifestyle change is not enough, though. For instance, when we decide to eat healthier or start an exercise regiment the change does not end with making that decision. After our minds are made up we must begin the perpetual process of changing our lives to support that decision. Eating that first healthier meal doesn't constitute eating healthy. Going to gym or on that run the first time doesn't make anyone a workout regular or a runner. It is the repeated action that indicates change. Tough decisions aren't tough because we only have to decide once. Tough decisions are so challenging and painstaking because they have to be made continually. Again and again, we have to choose between long-term benefits and short-lived satisfaction. It is the repeated act of choosing that makes the pursuit of authenticity, healthy eating habits, physical fitness, and emotional wellness so difficult and for some seemingly unattainable.

Emotional wellness is evasive for so many. Our emotional health is consistently tested and there are many reasons why we often fail those tests. How many times have we known that a relationship was no longer serving us well yet we did nothing? How long have we known that our lifestyle wasn't producing our best self, but ignored that knowledge? For me, the answers to those questions are "too many times" and "for far too long." What I knew differed greatly from how I behaved. One day I had enough. I was tired of making excuses for actions that did not serve me well or produce my best self. It was time to make a tough decision and stand by that decision daily.

What tough decision(s) are you facing? What have you known you needed to do, but avoided putting into action? I had to stop forcing myself to be in the company or in situations that made me feel less than who I am. Although I was certain that this decision would positively impact every area of my life, there have been occasions when I wanted go back on my promise. Even recently, I wanted to give in, but I have to remind myself that I made a decision to be authentic and my actions must continuously reflect my decision. It isn't always easy. It doesn't always produce immediate positive feelings. Some days you will think it's too hard. However, there is nothing more valuable and no cause more worthy than producing your best, healthiest self.

Be Your Advocate

While waiting to get my hair cut, I overheard a kid complaining. His mother said, “It’s just a haircut. It doesn’t hurt.” He responded, “Yes, it does!” The barber turned off the clippers, looked at them and said, “I know why it hurts. I’m so sorry. Let me get another pair.” I smiled as I realized that his actions taught me a lesson—by continuing to speak up this little boy prevented a needless uncomfortable experience. This child did not allow his mother’s doubt to convince him that his assessment was incorrect. 

How many times has someone’s reaction to your feelings made you question if those feelings were valid? How many times has someone led you to wonder if you were being more sensitive than the situation called for? Do you ignore your feelings and hope that the pain resolves itself? Or do you continue to acknowledge your discomfort like this little boy had the wisdom to do?

You are not responsible for convincing others that your pain is valid. You are not obligated to prove the depth of your hurt. You are not required to persuade anyone that your experiences have left you with triggers. You are responsible for advocating for yourself. Being an advocate for yourself means standing up for what you know is your truth. Those who support you will support you. You do not have to prove or assure others of what you know to be true. You simply need to walk in your truth.

Become your advocate. Be intentional with your recovery and progress. When life hands you a challenge, you have every right to acknowledge what you feel as you select a logical course of action to push you forward.