Live in Real Life

After a particularly unsettling few weeks I scheduled an appointment for a massage. I ventured out on a frigid Saturday when I could have easily stayed bundled up on my couch or swinging from my hammock so a professional could work out the two knots in my back and the knots of worry taking up residence in my mind. As I shed myself of the layers of clothing that February in Michigan demands, I slid my cell phone into the pocket of my plush robe.

I walked over to the relaxation lounge, took a few sips of refreshingly cold water, and sat down. As I waited for the masseuse, I pulled out my phone to virtually check in to the salon. Before I could type anything I thought about the ridiculousness of the scene. I came to the spa to relax, to free myself and there I was, being captive to a small electronic device. It wasn't necessary for me to check in via my phone, I needed to check in by being present, in that moment. I slid my phone back in my pocket and took another sip of water. This time I noticed that the water had a faint strawberry flavor, something that hadn't previously registered because I was too busy fiddling with my phone.

I am the first to admit that I love the benefits offered by technology. I love that in seconds I can let someone know I am thinking of him/her by sending a quick text message. It is wonderful that I can snap a photo of an amazing sunset, beach scene, humorous sign, or fabulous meal and share it instantly. It is reassuring to know that if I need to call someone instantly I can. However, convenience has turned into unhealthy dependence.

Many times we are unable to disconnect, even if it's for limited amounts of time and this causes us to miss what is taking place right in front of our faces. We aren't fully receptive to the sights, sounds, smells, feelings, and tastes we could experience firsthand. We aren't fully engaged with those who are in our presence. We are so busy checking in via our phones that we have checked out of living. The same devices that were intended to help us increase contact and be more social have led us to be less personal and superficially social. We have become so fearful of missing something that we are missing everything.

Experience your life in real life. Fully engage in the presence of others. Appreciate the sensations of your senses as you go through your day. Imagine actually being social instead of feigning it through social media! Life is meant to be lived out loud and in full color, not muted through a screen.

Connections and Disconnections

In the age of social networking we are constantly connecting and reconnecting with all kinds of people from various stages of our lives. Some connections are beneficial and refreshing. Some are not as helpful and at best remind us why they were designated to the "in the past" file on friendship.

I get quite emotionally tied to people. When I invest in a friendship and open up it is no small feat. Those who know me best can attest to that. As a result, during times that I’ve had to cope with a friendship deteriorating or being repurposed it was emotionally wearisome. I questioned what role I played in the deterioration and whether I did all I could to prevent it. What I've learned—thankfully—is that when we grow (as we all should) not only will some friendships no longer fit, but some people will not be happy about our growth and therefore, will not support it. Those are the relationships and people unable to proceed past our current state. Those are the people, more than likely, that you’ve disconnected with for a valid reason.

If you find someone in your inner circle that you are holding onto simply because s/he has always been there, release yourself from the obligation and guilt. If you find yourself maintaining relationships with those stuck on who you used to be or what you used to do, you run the risk of repeatedly confirming their expectations instead of moving forward. If your friendships are stumbling blocks and not springboards, you should probably re-evaluate your connections. This isn’t selfish or a sign that you are heartless. This is a sign of maturity and personal responsibility. Your friendships should provoke you to be a better friend and more importantly, motivate you to become a better person. Edna Buchanan said, “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” Be sure that you choose wisely.