Distress

At the start of the summer season, there is an increase in news reports on water safety. One of the most important notices is about the behavior of those who are drowning. Most assume that there will be screams and violent splashing, but those in distress while swimming barely make a sound or much movement. Unfortunately, people struggle silently while others watch, unaware of the desperation occurring below the surface.

We are constantly immersed in life. We make decisions today that will influence our future while simultaneously doing the emotional hard work of reconciling our past. We are surrounded by people who teach us difficult lessons, show us ourselves, and make us demonstrate love instead of simply say it. We try to make the life we face better than what we've left behind while remaining grateful and mindful of the present. It is a constant balancing act that tests our stamina, stretches our faith, and repeatedly proves and disproves what we have been taught and believe.

While it is easy and even understandable to be engrossed in your life, consider how you can show your loved ones that you support and truly see them. Don't wait for screaming or splashing from your spouse, parents, siblings, and friends to extend your hand and reach out. Signs of sadness may not match your expectations. Distress may not be as visible or cause as much of a commotion as you anticipate. Do not let someone you love feel as if s/he is drowning right in front of you simply because it doesn't appear as you imagine.

Say Yes by Doing

Last week I walked across the campus of Western Michigan University to observe a sociology class. It was a seemingly simple occasion, one that typically wouldn't mean much, but as I approached Sangren Hall I was convinced that my decision to sit in that class would alter my life. I even took a photo because I wanted to forever capture the seconds leading up to me saying yes.

Most of us can recall with great detail major moments that have shaped our lives—receiving an acceptance letter to the school of our dreams, graduation, a proposal, a wedding, our first international trip, the birth of a child, etc. These large moments are etched into our minds and often marked in photographs and in the memories of others. They are landmark occasions and should be treated as such. However, it is our day-to-day living that leads up to those milestone moments. What we say yes to today determines the course of our lives tomorrow.

Maybe you have considered returning to school. Say yes by doing the steps necessary to apply and attend. Maybe you would like to welcome love into your life. Say yes by doing more than working or watching Netflix on weekends. Maybe you are interested in securing a new job. Say yes by updating your resumé, making your cover letter sell your skills, and searching. Maybe you want to share your story to help others overcome the same challenges you have overcome. Say yes by making meaningful connections that will result in opportunities for you to do just that.

If you are talking about a new life, new surroundings, or new connections more than you are taking action, you have to ask if you truly want it as badly as you say. Change is a verb. It is an action word. Change does not come with complaining, fussing, nor mere wishing and willing. If you want to change your life you must say yes by doing.

How did observing a sociology class alter the course of my life? That story is still being written, but please know that I, too, am saying yes by doing. Stay tuned, friends.

Live Up

For more years than I care to admit, I handed the responsibility of my emotional health to others. I desperately wanted to believe that those who told me they loved me were looking out for my best interests. Sadly, my best interests clashed with what they wanted so the direction they were leading me contradicted where I needed to go. It wasn't until I grew strong enough and developed the confidence to trust my judgment that I took responsibility for my emotional health and began to live honestly.

I was one of those kids who hated to be yelled at and punishment was not my friend. I wanted to make the adults in my life happy and people-pleased to a fault. As I grew older, I was no longer at risk of getting into trouble, yet the self-sacrificing behavior continued. I realized it wasn't trouble that I had been avoiding all of those years, but disappointing others. In trying to live according to their expectations, I was holding myself back and failing to live up to the expectations I had for myself.

People tell me to settle down, have children, lower my guard, and relax my boundaries. They rationalize these directives using fear and guilt, but what they are really saying is, "Do what I did," or "Stop living your life in a way that I lacked the confidence to even consider." Instead of internalizing their fears and regrets, I've accepted that my life is not conventional because my heart's desires are not conventional. Instead of trying to fit into the notion of what others believe or want, I've learned to trust my instincts, live fully, and not apologize for it. Working through my fear of disappointing others and ultimately, losing their support has taught me two life-altering, freeing lessons:

• it is much more detrimental to live a life that I find disappointing and
• I will always have the support I need because those who honestly love me will always remain.

Not everyone will comprehend the course of your life. That does not necessarily mean that they wish to see you fail. Some are simply not capable of comprehending your future because it exists in a space that they cannot fathom. Your life choices are yours and you have to live with the consequences in a way that no one else will. Develop the strength and confidence to trust your judgment. When you live honestly, you usher in people who will support and love you honestly, and there is nothing fearful, nor disappointing in that.

Live on Purpose

One of my favorite mantras is about purpose. I focus attention on purpose. It is a word that can be interpreted in a very basic sense—to give or or to love—or in an extremely dense one involving philosophies on existentialism. While we are all purposed for the progression of others, answers to questions like who, what, when, and how are as individual as our fingerprints.

It's fascinating to observe reactions when the topic of purpose comes up. Some get excited to talk about it. Some will simply listen, but some will change the subject, sneak out of the room, or even roll their eyes. Sadly, we have attached judgment to purpose and for that reason, when the word is mentioned, we feel threatened. We've taken on this assumption that in order for us to have purpose it has to be bigger, more meaningful, more influential, and more certain. Bigger and more than what? That's a moving target. Generally, bigger and more than the purpose of whoever we're speaking with, watching on television, or reading about in a magazine. That is not purpose. Purpose is not comparative nor competitive. Purpose simply is.

Maybe you're someone who has opted out of the purpose conversation. Maybe you aren't confident in your purpose and you've even been one to roll your eyes at the mere mention of the word. The magnificent part of purpose is that it is independently dependent. My purpose is not any bigger or smaller than yours. Your purpose is no more or less than mine. They are equal and build upon the collective purpose of progression.

Don't be afraid of purpose. Not the word, not anyone else's, and definitely not your own. If you have an inkling of what your purpose is, do not allow your fear of uncertainty to diminish what you do know. Your purpose will evolve over time, just as you evolve over time. You may be reading this and telling yourself, "I have no idea what my purpose is." Not knowing is not equal to not having. Embarking on the journey of finding out requires active and intentional listening without judgment or fear. In order to discover your purpose you must think on purpose and speak on purpose so that you may live on purpose.

Vacation Days

I am a firm believer in vacations. In addition to hand-picking climates, experiencing unique cuisines, discovering culture, and meeting new people, they also afford me with the time and space to breathe in beauty. Travel has become my church. It is where I find rejuvenation, peace, joy, and truth. Whether it is sitting on a beach feeling the breeze tickle my skin, witnessing the call to prayer halt an entire city, or hearing wildlife in a jungle where the only sky is a wave of lush green leaves, I find myself more in tune with who I truly am when I strip away what I have become.

On a recent vacation to Miami, Florida, one of my companions asked to get a picture taken during a downpour. Minutes later, I was out crossing Ocean Drive, getting soaked, in my bathing suit, and laughing about it. I would never be on a main thoroughfare in Kalamazoo, Michigan, in the rain, in a bathing suit. The thought of it is ridiculous to me, but down in Miami, out of my routine and all that is associated with it, I didn't give it a second thought. I was open and free.

There is a reason why statements like, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," are so popular. We feel liberated on vacation because there is a perception of anonymity and because we are in a new place. Removed from our normal settings, all of the roles we play at home fall away. We feel free enough to simply be. We eat what we want, have more drinks than usual, stay up late, sleep longer, and do whatever it is that we feel we can't, shouldn't, or wouldn't even imagine doing at home. While it would not be wise for us to take on the eating, drinking, and sleeping habits we adopt on vacation, we can take some of the freedom, joy, and peace home with us instead of leaving them a plane ride away.

There is something wonderful and peaceful about getting away, but there is beauty in maintaining wonder and peace in your daily life. Discover ways to incorporate that more vivid or more relaxed version of yourself in your everyday. Appreciate the splendor unfolding where you are. You may not walk down the street in your hometown in your bathing suit, but maybe you can take a walk in the rain and let it remind you of the simplistic beauty and peace that exists each day instead of reserving the lifestyle you love only for vacation days.

Brave Enough to Believe

There is something very special about watching reruns of old television shows. I still laugh aloud when I see The Cosby Show, Livin' Single, and The Golden Girls. When those shows were popular there were things I didn't fully appreciate nor understand due to a lack of life experience, especially when it came to The Golden Girls. Besides them representing a time of collective purpose and consideration, with no hint of the ridiculousness that today's 'reality' tv offers, there's another reason I love these shows. Watching them reminds me of the power that is released when we believe.

I always smile whenever someone appears on reruns who has gone on to find success as a professional actor. As I watch The Cosby Show now I recognize people like Angela Bassett, Mario Van Peebles, Robin Givens, Stacey Dash, Adam Sandler, and countless others I didn't know by name back then. I imagine how excited they must have been to audition, receive a call back, walk on the set, tape the episode, and see it on television for the first time. I fast-forward to now, knowing how their lives evolved. Their bravery to believe in and chase their unconventional dream released the power for them to pursue more.

The life you envision does not have to be impossible. It may be a long shot. It probably requires commitment again, and again, and again. More than likely, you will have to make sacrifices and repeatedly surrender to your purpose. Difficult? Yes. Time consuming? Yes. Frustrating? Absolutely. Here's the reality, though. Living already comes with requirements. Even if you refuse or are too afraid to tap into the power of belief, in order to live you already have to commit and sacrifice. To maintain a job and earn a living you have to show up and sacrifice your time for a paycheck. In order to keep healthy relationships or raise a family you have to be there, present, and sacrifice 'my' for 'our.' If you must commit and sacrifice for what is necessary and who you love, you might as well commit and sacrifice for you.

You could be in the cameo stage of your life. You may be several steps or one big leap from whatever is considered your big break. You could be one connection, one performance, one job, one written piece, one kind word, one volunteer opportunity, one appearance from crossing into the threshold of fulfillment. Wouldn't you rather look back on the cameo phase of your life as where your beliefs were strengthened instead of where they deteriorated? Don't lose sight or give up. Follow the example of those young, eager actors you saw on television all those years ago. Be brave enough to believe and release the power that exists to pursue more.

Discover Your Power

Challenges are a part of life and come in different forms. Whether hardship is inherited, environmental, at the hands of someone else, or a reflection of our own choices, our responsibility is to grow through challenges instead of allowing challenges to stunt our growth.

In any challenge, we choose how to cope. We don't always exercise our choice intentionally, but the choice remains ours. We can either:

• dismiss the negative impact of adversity,
• allow our heartbreak to break us, or
• do the work and discover our power.

Some hurt is so intense that the only feasible reaction is to halt. Losing a loved one, receiving a life-threatening diagnosis, or experiencing any other emotional trauma can send you into a mental freeze. Often, this is a part of the process. However, there is a massive difference between an immobile phase and an immobile life. As long as you dismiss or ignore how you've been affected by your hurt, you will continue to make decisions influenced by a past that you haven't reconciled.

In order to treat a medical diagnosis, the diagnosis has to be acknowledged to determine a course of action. Similarly, issues that have an emotional impact like neglect, betrayal, abuse, or abandonment must be acknowledged. Acknowledgement does not mean you make room for your hurt to sit at the table of your life so that you can feed it. Acknowledgement means that you recognize the source of your pain, not that you surrender to it.

Maybe you have acknowledged your pain, but you can't get out of that stage. Maybe your heartbreak is breaking you. It's possible that you clutch your history and keep your painful narrative in your face and in the faces of everyone who cares for you. If this is the case, your hurt has become the root of every choice you make and the one thing you want, change, is impossible because you make decisions with your hurt instead of working through it.

The key to not remaining stuck in your pain or the acknowledgement stage is to assess. Determining how hurt has impacted your life

• through the decisions you make,
• the people you allow into your life, 
• and the messages you tell yourself 

leads you to the process of correction and progress. As you work through the assessment phase you practice making good choices and exercising wisdom. It is here that you use adversity to build up your strength instead of tear it down. By doing the work you discover your power and it exists in the same situation that has made you feel powerless.

Is it scary? Absolutely! Will it require a process that may not always feel great? Yes. Is that enough to keep you from doing it? Absolutely not. Consider the alternative. Would you rather make decisions through the lens of fear and avoidance or the lens of clarity and purpose? Would you rather live clutching pain or releasing it? You are absolutely worth the work it takes to reconcile your past and intentionally direct your future. If you are willing to do the work you will discover your power.