Decision Cycles

We are in a continuous cycle of decision-making. We contemplate decisions, act on decisions, and live with the consequences of decisions. As we go through these cycles, our emotions go through changes as well. It is rare that we feel anything—trust, fear, joy, sadness, excitement, or dread—the entire time that we work through our decisions.

Last month I packed up my life and relocated to California. The contemplation phase of making this choice was easy, fun, exciting, and brought me joy. Everything about making my decision was thrilling. I was going to a beautiful location featuring the ocean on one side and mountains on the other. I was starting a challenging and amazing position that seemed tailor-made for my professional experience and personal interests. I was moving to a walkable neighborhood that made my desire to park my car on weekends realistic. I was joining a laid-back yet social community that fit my personality. This move was perfect! However, acting on the move was far from perfect.

The action phase of my decision—my perfect decision during the contemplation phase—was stressful and emotional. The first moving company I hired was a no-show, five days before I was scheduled to leave. The driver that was supposed to ship my vehicle took it on a joyride. My perfect, no-brainer decision came with unexpected, major difficulty. I wondered if I missed the mark. How could something that started so perfectly become so problematic? Did I want this change so badly that I imagined more assurance and confirmation than actually existed? Had I made a mistake?

As you go through decision cycles, it's vital that you remain connected to your state of mind when you made your decision. Even the most beautiful, peaceful, and necessary decisions can come with pain, disruption, and challenges. The discomfort you may feel during the action phase of your decision should not shake your confidence and dilute your joy. Press forward. Remain stable. Hold on until you get to the satisfying state of living out the consequences of your decisions. I know I'm glad I'm living out the consequences of mine.

Get Healthy

I have increased my focus on emotional health. I've grown to be much more interested in stability and peace of mind than keeping up appearances and living for others. This transformation hasn’t been easy or simple. Change is difficult and complicated. Understanding and support from others can also be elusive, but I made a promise to myself to get healthy.

Much of my childhood has been rooted in family. I knew from an early age that family was to be revered, honored, and appreciated. I fully understood the value my family placed on our relationships with one another so when I realized that what I needed to do to become emotionally healthy involved separation it caused some anxiety. My emotions were already mixed, but knowing the value of family made the decision excruciating to consider and nearly impossible to execute.

It has been—and still is—a process. I didn't get it right the first, second, third, or fifteenth time I tried. I screwed up and sent mixed signals repeatedly. I asserted myself and then guilt led me back. I made alternate plans during family gatherings only to convince myself that I could 'take it' and eventually gave in. After many tense visits, friends building me back up, and days trying to encourage myself back to normal, I had to ask, “Why are you forcing yourself to ‘take it?’ How is this helping you become healthy? How can you expect to walk in freedom without giving yourself a chance to be free?"

It was hard to choose peace over pacifying others. I deemed it unfair for me to be the one to separate when my actions didn't cause the strife. However, taking responsibility for my quality of life demands that I make tough choices and that I choose wisely. I made up my mind to become healthy and when I even think of faltering or giving in I always remind myself of the choice I made so that my actions reflect my clear choice instead of a fleeing feeling.

Not everyone will understand or support your choices—get healthy anyway. It will be difficult at times—get healthy anyway. You will have to encourage yourself sometimes—get healthy anyway. No matter the circumstances, no matter what it takes, give yourself permission to be free and get healthy anyway.