Beliefs

Ask about someone's beliefs and you are asking about the core of who she is. It's no wonder that religion is one of the most emotionally charged and personal conversations in which you can engage. For that reason, I typically refrain from posting or even commenting on posts via social media about political issues with religious implications or religious debates stemming from politics. Though I don't publically have those discussions, I am often grieved by how this country is becoming increasingly divided on public issues because of private beliefs. The visceral reactions that radiate from the monitor of my computer screen send me through a range of emotions and lead me to ask, "Yes, but what if you're wrong?"

Like most of my friends, I grew up attending religious services. Over the years, I came to understand every moment like a well-rehearsed play. I knew that depending on how the keyboardist played certain notes to a certain tempo whether we were going to sing for two more minutes or twenty. I knew exactly which scriptures would accompany specific messages. I knew what responses the pastor was seeking as s/he ended the sermon and whether that sermon had two closings or four. Part of that ritual and knowing it so well led me to challenge what I was taught and that was terrifying because what I was taught is what I believed.

While it was jarring for me to challenge my beliefs, I am now stronger, freer, and living a fuller life than I imagined. Asking hard questions brought clarity and peace. I considered those living the lifestyle I strived for. I learned lessons from spiritual leaders outside of the sources I was presented. I listened to what was within and realized that spirituality is much larger than the boundaries of religion.

Challenge yourself. If you are willing to base your entire life, and in some cases, demand that others do the same, on a system of beliefs why not ask some hard questions? How do you feel about the way your life expresses your beliefs? Even more important, does your life express your beliefs? Do you fully comprehend your beliefs? Are they truly yours or those of your parents, grandparents, pastor, preacher, bishop, or priest? Finally, here's the toughest question: what if you are wrong? How would you feel about the love and compassion (or lack thereof) you demonstrated? How would you feel about the way you responded to others who don't believe as you do? Would you need to reconcile with anyone? Would your life still be filled with everything you value? Would your life still have meaning? What do you truly believe?

The Power to Choose

Having options moves most into trepidation and angst. So many are afraid to make the wrong choice that they would actually prefer not having to choose. However, having options can be the greatest source of liberation you’ll ever experience.

While in high school I only applied to three colleges. Not one of them was my dream school. My dream school was across the country, expensive, and in my teenage mind, too difficult to pursue. I used distance and finances as excuses not to try. I didn’t want to make a difficult choice so I didn’t allow the more expensive, ambitious, and exciting school to even be an option. I allowed my fear to make that decision for me. After reflecting on that experience, I promised myself to make my own decisions.

When you find yourself facing major decisions, don’t give fear a louder voice than your own. Fear isn’t kind or considerate. If you permit it to lead your choices, fear will eventually rule over you. See choices as opportunities, not threats. When facing a range of options, treat it as freedom instead of confinement. When given several courses of action, allow your mind the space it needs to be receptive instead of unresponsive.

Having the freedom to choose grants you with the ability to elevate your life. What’s even more terrifying than having to make a decision? Having no options. What’s even more frightening than having the freedom to create an amazing, exciting life track? Not having the freedom to live life larger and fuller than it is today. Embrace the power associated with having choices. It is your ticket to living the life of your dreams.

Transparency

Transparency is something I feared before I fully understood it. I knew that it required a level of openness and honesty that made me uncomfortable so I wasn’t interested. I was content being ultra-selective with who would experience transparent Myla, what I would be transparent about, and when. While we need to exercise wisdom when it comes to sharing our emotions with others, it is possible to take caution too far and miss out the benefits that come with being free from the fear of opening up.

I consider myself friendly and open to new friendships, but I have simultaneously been guarded. It is easy for me to build a level of trust where others feel they can share, but much harder for me to return the favor. There was a time in my life when I would put people through a test to see how they would react to hearing a safer revelation before I felt comfortable sharing the one(s) that really needed to be released. Truthfully, I was seeing how their reaction made me feel about myself. If they provided a reaction that was too similar to my own negative self talk then I could go no further in sharing with them. The problem with this emotional testing is that I was not allowing myself the relief that accompanies placing my trust in someone nor the liberation that comes from freeing self from unhealthy feelings.

I’m not suggesting that you tell everyone everything, but if you have people in your life who are trustworthy then trust them. Don’t test them. Don’t create a safe space for them to open up while you remain emotionally clogged. When you live a life of transparency you live a life of peace and sincerity. Those who cannot exist in a similar space of peace and sincerity will eventually bow out. Those that remain and embrace the more genuine you are the keepers. Don’t be afraid of freedom. Embrace it.