Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Discover Who You Are

Flic en Flac, Mauritius
I went through a phase of reading inspirational books with a spiritual slant. One of the terms that resonated with me most was transparency. Everyone described as transparent had openly and unapologetically shared her story, in all its glory and heartbreak. Reading these uplifting anecdotes and seeing the impact the authors made in the lives of others created a desire in me to do the same. I challenged myself to be transparent. However, I gave myself a charge I didn't fully understand. My focus was external and transparency is an internal journey.

On my misguided road to transparency I repeatedly told my story and could see the impact that a shared or similar background created. Sadly, it was rehearsed and I was on emotional autopilot. I told the story repeatedly with no emotional connection. I recited details, but lacked feeling. I told myself it was just getting easier to tell with the passage of time, but the truth was that I wasn't pursuing transparency, I was running from it. I convinced myself that reading the script of my life was synonymous with being open. Delivering the story was easier than engaging with my story. Stating the facts didn't demand attention. I detached so instead of being transparent—what I claimed I wanted—I was becoming emotionally impenetrable. It is impossible to make a real connection with anyone while failing to connect with self.

Eventually, I was no longer satisfied simply telling my story because I wanted to share my story. I grew tired of existing under the illusion of openness. I wanted to be open. I wanted to be transparent, honestly this time, so I had to start with me. I had to connect with my own story first.

An object is considered to be transparent when light can reflect or pass through it. Think of water, glass, air, and windows. You can see through them and when there's light, the light passes through. The same is true with us. When we make a commitment to self-discovery and are willing to connect to and engage with our truth then others can see us clearly and more importantly, we can clearly see ourselves and let our own light shine through.

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