I consider myself friendly and open to new friendships, but I have simultaneously been guarded. It is easy for me to build a level of trust where others feel they can share, but much harder for me to return the favor. There was a time in my life when I would put people through a test to see how they would react to hearing a safer revelation before I felt comfortable sharing the one(s) that really needed to be released. Truthfully, I was seeing how their reaction made me feel about myself. If they provided a reaction that was too similar to my own negative self talk then I could go no further in sharing with them. The problem with this emotional testing is that I was not allowing myself the relief that accompanies placing my trust in someone nor the liberation that comes from freeing self from unhealthy feelings.
I’m not suggesting that you tell everyone everything, but if you have people in your life who are trustworthy then trust them. Don’t test them. Don’t create a safe space for them to open up while you remain emotionally clogged. When you live a life of transparency you live a life of peace and sincerity. Those who cannot exist in a similar space of peace and sincerity will eventually bow out. Those that remain and embrace the more genuine you are the keepers. Don’t be afraid of freedom. Embrace it.