Only You

Starting over, whether it's a new relationship, career, or physical location is exciting. It leaves us radiating in the light of possibility and the openness of a clean slate. We can recreate everything from our look, our social circle, to our hobbies and our volunteer interests. Even when leaving a good situation, the opportunity to start again gives us the motivation and courage to do and become better. Yet the benefits of starting again will never be experienced if we drag our old selves into our new life.

I long ago realized that I needed to set boundaries. However, because I was in my early twenties, this realization was not met with enthusiasm nor willpower. Breaking away from what and who was familiar was not an idea that I was comfortable with nor ready to embrace. Instead, I tried to build a new life without living differently. At first, I felt better. I had new surroundings. I had physical distance. I had all of the excitement associated with change. But eventually, the excitement wore off. The new surroundings became old. The physical distance shortened. I'd changed all aspects of my life except the most important one, me. It didn't matter how many times I moved, how many trips I took, and how many career advancements I made. Until I was ready to make the most influential change, an internal one, life would always leave me wanting and someone else, something else, and somewhere else would always have the power that belonged to me.

Your relationships, career, and locations have one thing in common—you. Leaving any or all of them can be thrilling, but when you move on, if you haven't made an internal shift you'll recreate the same scenarios. Character names, job titles, and the backdrop may transition, but you'll be frustrated and saddened by the very same aspects of life.

Changing partners will not change how you perceive your worth. Changing jobs will not change your work ethic or life balance. Changing your location will not change your core. Only you can do that. Only you, not a relationship, not a job, not a city, have the power and freedom to usher true change into your life. Don't give that power, nor your happiness, your peace, and your joy to anyone, anything, and any place.

Your Voice

Life is filled with cycles. There are occasions to listen and learn and there are occasions to stand up and fight. There are moments to contemplate and moments to act. There is a time for reflection and a time to simply be. All of these cycles guide us to self-awareness and an important aspect of self-awareness is recognizing that we have a voice and our voice is a force.

No one is made up of exactly the same history, persona, sense of humor, level of sensitivity, perspective, quirks, traits, and heart as you. No one can influence your loved ones quite the way that you do. No one has all of your attributes and is driven by the same cause that compels you. All of that—your history, your quirks, your heart, your influence, and your cause—make up your voice and your voice, whether it's loud and boisterous or barely a whisper, is necessary!

Far too often situations and people influence the purpose and vigor with which you use your voice, or worse, give you the impression that you need permission to use your voice. The only person who should have that much power is you. Part of you already recognizes that your voice is a force. You know that when you embrace its strength and speak up your life will change. Your hesitation is the result of fear. It is your power that scares you. Don't be afraid of change or your power.

Even if what you have to say initially gets caught in your throat or you feel like you're the only one with your message, use your voice. Confidence is developed in pushing through the uncertainty and solos can be absolutely beautiful. You have been gifted with purpose, entrusted with influencing others, and intended for inspiration. Develop the courage to use your voice and keep using it. You never know who is listening and desperately hoping for someone, you, to say what they can't.

The Power of Your Thoughts

Imagine having a friend who rarely has a kind word and constantly spews harsh criticism. Imagine every time you eat anything from a salad to a bowl of ice cream her saying, "You need to loose weight," or "You're so fat." Imagine how you would feel if when you saw someone you found attractive that friend telling you, "S/he couldn't possibly be interested in you. You'll be single forever." Imagine her telling you every morning, "You don't matter." Consider how you would feel about yourself hearing this friend say, "You're not good enough. Not for a better job. Not for a partner. Not for a life of meaning." How long would you allow her to be a part of your life? How long would it take before you kept your distance, stopped taking her calls, or simply told her to shut up?

This example seems extreme, but sadly, this kind of discouraging conversation is common. It may not reflect how any of your friends speak to you, but the sentiments are familiar because this is the same type of messaging that is allowed in your head. You wouldn't permit this kind of disregard from others, but what happens when the culprit of cruelty is you? Do you fully understand the magnitude of the damage you are doing to yourself? And if you do, are you ready to stop?

What you say to yourself is either working for you or against you. There is no middle ground. Your thoughts aren't without consequence or impact. Your thoughts have a direct influence because your future is scripted by your internal dialogue. You surround yourself with those who support your beliefs and those who do not support your beliefs are dismissed. You act in ways that confirm what you think. Essentially, what you tell yourself is how you live. You constantly seek confirmation on what you believe about yourself.

Your life is not over, too far gone, nor ruined. Stop telling yourself that! You are not worthless, broken, nor unlovable. Stop telling yourself that! Your desires are not silly, unattainable, nor impossible. Stop telling yourself that! You are afraid to believe the truth—that you have worth, that you are valuable, and that you deserve love—because you are afraid to hope. You have convinced yourself that it's better to not have expectations and be surprised than to have them and be disappointed. You have convinced yourself to live fearfully instead of fully. You have convinced yourself to avoid instead of accept.

If you want a different life, think differently. If you want to be better, think better thoughts. If you want to feel more fulfilled, focus your mind on fulfillment. Transformation is attainable when you are ready to acknowledge and manage your thoughts and what you believe about yourself.