Misguided Silence

Silence is powerful and like most things, its power exists on opposite ends of the spectrum. When facing major life decisions or crises, stillness leads us to proper perspective and the answers needed to move forward. Silence is critical for clarity. However, there is another side of silence that is devastating—the misguided silence that we impose on ourselves when we need to speak up.

I was abused for seven years and the memories of that abuse lodged themselves equally between my mind and my heart. They traveled back and forth, their meticulousness tortured me and the raw emotion that accompanied them tormented me. Though I was an adult, in a safe physical and emotional space, those memories could shove me back to pain-filled places. For years I thought that the act of remembering was what rendered me powerless. Consequently, I believed that in order to stop the powerlessness and pain I had to stop remembering. This plan was unrealistic and unreasonable. I set myself up to fail. When the memories returned, I would not only be thrust into immense sadness, I would also be angry with myself for not being able to do the impossible. Remembering wasn't the problem. Being quiet about what I remembered and how it impacted my life is what suffocated my strength. My silence complicated my pain.

There may be one major situation or several that have led you to believe that you don't have a voice or that you don't deserve to be heard. It could have been a one-time incident or repeated occurrences. Maybe you have been silenced by the actions, words, or lack of actions from a parent, spouse, or other relative. Most likely, your silence is the result of a combination of circumstances and harmful lessons. No matter the reason(s), it's not too late to take another direction. It's not too late to speak up. It's not too late for you to break the cycle of misguided silence. Through the process of speaking up you will not only find your voice but you will ignite your healing process. Find your voice and you'll discover your power.

Your Voice

Life is filled with cycles. There are occasions to listen and learn and there are occasions to stand up and fight. There are moments to contemplate and moments to act. There is a time for reflection and a time to simply be. All of these cycles guide us to self-awareness and an important aspect of self-awareness is recognizing that we have a voice and our voice is a force.

No one is made up of exactly the same history, persona, sense of humor, level of sensitivity, perspective, quirks, traits, and heart as you. No one can influence your loved ones quite the way that you do. No one has all of your attributes and is driven by the same cause that compels you. All of that—your history, your quirks, your heart, your influence, and your cause—make up your voice and your voice, whether it's loud and boisterous or barely a whisper, is necessary!

Far too often situations and people influence the purpose and vigor with which you use your voice, or worse, give you the impression that you need permission to use your voice. The only person who should have that much power is you. Part of you already recognizes that your voice is a force. You know that when you embrace its strength and speak up your life will change. Your hesitation is the result of fear. It is your power that scares you. Don't be afraid of change or your power.

Even if what you have to say initially gets caught in your throat or you feel like you're the only one with your message, use your voice. Confidence is developed in pushing through the uncertainty and solos can be absolutely beautiful. You have been gifted with purpose, entrusted with influencing others, and intended for inspiration. Develop the courage to use your voice and keep using it. You never know who is listening and desperately hoping for someone, you, to say what they can't.