A Life of Gratitude

Every November gratitude becomes front and center of life. There is increased conversation about gratitude journals and other ways to express appreciation for 30 days. I see the value, but I also recognize that the start of the holiday season doesn't usher in the same feelings for everyone. It may make sense to some to designate the month of November as the time to be extra thankful for family, love, and life, but for others, including me, the winter holidays are difficult and heartbreaking.

Two years ago, I was rocked by the unexpected death of my father. Losing a parent is difficult regardless of circumstances, but my father was not a figurehead in my life. He was present, consistent, and concerned. He was there for every event and performance. He was supportive and not just of my brother and me—he was a source of support for his siblings, niece and nephews. His absence has been deeply felt not only during holidays but also on the most mundane days.

I find a way to tap into gratitude most of the time. I am grateful that he was in my life as long as he was. I am grateful that he was so kind and thoughtful. I am grateful to have such wonderful memories of him. I am grateful that the last words he heard me speak were, "I love you." Those are good days. However, I have days when I wish I had more time, more memories, and more opportunities to say I love you. There are days when others mention their 60- or 70-year-old fathers, how they celebrated Father's Day, or that they did something as simple as call their fathers and I feel extremely cheated. There are days when I question if holidays or any days will ever be the same. There are days when I miss him and no amount of encouraging words or quotes diminish the longing.

Even prior to his death my holiday seasons have been problematic. Family gatherings are attached to painful complications making it difficult to latch onto the idea of a season of appreciation or to view it as more than the latest fad or "it" thing. What's beautiful about gratitude, though, is that it extends far beyond the typical, limited use. Gratitude also means to praise, grace, and honor. On difficult days I have the option to praise those who have added to my life. When I'm annoyed by declarations of gratitude from those who complain or speak negatively the other 335 days of the year I can extend grace to them—and to myself for being judgmental. When I am overwhelmed with feelings of loss I can choose to honor memories and imprints.

Today, on the second anniversary of my father's funeral, I am grateful for all that he was to my family and me. I am grateful that I can empathize with those who have painful memories attached to this time of year or who may not have a family gathering to attend. Mostly, though, I am grateful that I don't need a calendar to nudge me to praise, grace, or honor those I love because in spite of the loss and heartache—and in some instances, because of it—I am able to live a life of gratitude.

Read last week's post, The Walkway.

Unexpected Support

As I’m sure you can relate, during my most challenging times my relationships were redefined. In any situation when the truth doesn’t line up with expectation or desire, it is harsh. As some of the major players in my life were unable to provide the level of support that I felt situations warranted, I had to accept some truths that I didn’t anticipate nor want to accept.

We often deal on opposite ends of the same spectrum. Our most influential lessons usually stem from hardship. Our greatest joys are magnified by the mere thought of past pains. Gratitude is amplified when we consider previous lack. When we feel uncomfortable we only need to look at our past to know that we are more than likely on the brink of major change. Without discontent we would never strive for better because undesirable feelings are what prompt us toward introspection and evaluation. Essentially, we don’t change our lives without first changing our minds.

Accepting truths regarding some of my relationships was initially distressing. However, my need to shift out of discomfort prompted me to evaluate. Based on history, I knew that I would receive all of the support I needed. I received all the support I needed because there were always unexpected sources of support. Instead of focusing on the disappointment, I focused on the gift of unexpected sources of support. I could not allow the absence of someone to dilute the presence of anyone. It is difficult to discover who cannot be what you wished, but it is even more wonderful to discover who becomes more than you hoped.

Beauty of Today

While sitting with a group of coworkers I glanced out of the window and noticed a gorgeous sunset. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence since I'm traveling the world by ship, but I still got up and ran outside. While I am thankful to have a camera to record a limited representation of what I see, pictures cannot express the emotions I feel while watching the sun dissolve into the ocean. That feeling is what led me out of my seat and onto the deck. I never want to become so comfortable with seeing the sun set on the ocean that I no longer acknowledge its impact. When we fail to recognize the glory that exists in our every day we choose to ignore what should bring us the most gratitude.

During that same week of the sunset that I ran out to see, I was sitting in my room. I wanted to devote some time to journaling, yet hadn’t written a single word. I looked at the clock and knew that it was a prime time to run into a few of my coworkers. I considered continuing my staring contest with my journal, but thought about my life following this trip. I pictured myself sending emails or text messages to coworkers saying how much I missed the days we could simply go up or down a flight of stairs and be in each other’s company. I realized that my every day life is happening right now. Journaling is great, but not at the expense of living. I needed to remind myself to be present on this journey. All I have is today.

We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be so consumed with life that we fail to recognize the beauty of today. If you see an amazing sunrise or sunset take a moment to appreciate it. If you drive by a park and notice the myriad of gorgeous colors brought on by the fall season take a moment to admire it. If someone you love adds some sunshine to your life express your thanks. It is only when we’re present that we can fully experience gratitude. Fully experience each day you're given because today is the only day that matters.