Thank You

I haven't written a new post in a few weeks and it doesn't feel as unusual or induce the guilt that missing just a single week used to produce. In fact, it feels satisfying and freeing because I have been in a transition. For the last few months, as I would sit down to organize my thoughts, I realized that my voice changed and what I had to say no longer fit within the confines of my 3-4 paragraph format. I began to long for something more than Try-Umph provided.

I appreciate everyone who has been on this journey with me. Try-Umph has seen me through a voyage around the world, the loss of my father, a relocation to Michigan, a deeper appreciation for the growth needed in order to set and stand by healthy boundaries, a relocation to California, and intense gratitude at having the support of others as I experienced those changes. Yet part of me sought more. There were times I wanted to delve deeper, push further, and be more firm. I kept my language and tone soft and supportive when writing posts like News and More Strength when I wanted to spew out a string of words that would make a sailor blush because that's what I felt having to even to write such and get over so much.

Yet I fluctuated between not feeling ready and knowing that this was not the proper venue. I needed to wait for more and prepare for something else. I listened. I waited. I held off. I shared what would be helpful and encouraging, but reserved the rest because I knew more was on the horizon.

Whether you've been reading since 2011 or you've been sporadically checking out Try-Umph, thank you. I couldn't have reached as many people without you. It has been challenging, exciting, rewarding, strengthening, reassuring, and fun to force myself to write something worth sharing over the years and ultimately, to recognize that my life was worth sharing. Keep reading and passing on the posts that resonate with you. Encouragement is timeless and we all need it over and over and over again. 

Continue taking responsibility for your choices and making good ones. Continue believing in your worth and value. Continue intentionally living a life of purpose, love, peace, and triumph. I promise to do the same.

Sincerely,

Myla Denise

Vision

I've heard different versions of questions related to regret which has led me to ask myself what I would do differently if given the chance. There's not much I would change, but there is one decision I've questioned multiple times. As a teenager, I did not apply to the university I dreamed of attending because I didn't want to burden my family with the cost of out-of-state tuition. Though not often, I have had moments when I wondered how my life would have turned out if I'd at least applied to the university that I'd never visited, but envisioned myself being a part of all those years ago.

In July, I joined one of the most well-known university systems. Working for a systemwide office, I've had the opportunity to visit nine University of California campuses. I attended a meeting with a marketing director at one particular campus and she handed me a box. She said, "I wanted to give you a small gift to welcome you." I smiled. Twenty years later, I was being welcomed to very university I wanted to attend as an undergraduate student. I told my colleague the significance of her words and her gift and she responded, "Well, now you are officially part of the UC family."

My desire to be a part of that university was limited. I reduced the possibility of joining that university to a student experience and because I didn't attend as a student, I thought I'd missed my chance. Life still managed to lead me to the very same place. I hadn't missed my opportunity. My opportunity was simply different from what I imagined.

Maybe you have a vision that hasn't played out. That's not adequate reason to believe that your vision is faulty. It could just be that the vision hasn't played out yet. Vision is not limited to your timetable. Vision is not limited to your current circumstances. Vision isn't even limited to your concept of possibility. If you've had a longstanding vision for your life, don't let it go. Don't let the passage of time, detours, negative feedback, successes of others, or your own self-doubt cause you to forget or neglect your vision. One day, what you envisioned could unfold right before your eyes in a way you didn't even imagine.

Can't You Just

Some of the most significant conversations I've had were not positive. People I considered sources of support expressed their opinions about how I handled living with trauma, my trauma, and when I disagreed, the tone shifted. Their concern gave way to frustration. For me, nervousness turned into anxiety and feelings of isolation soared. I wanted them to tell me, "Whatever you need, we'll be here." Instead, I heard, "Why can't you just...?"

When facing a complex situation where there is no quick fix, opinions are abundant. People are more than willing to tell you exactly what you should do and when you dispute their unsolicited advice, their frustration speaks louder than their concern. They ask, "Why can’t you just…?" Just stop thinking about it. Just be quiet. Just go along to get along. Just stop expecting so much. Just let it go. Just get over it. Essentially, what they are asking you to do is to stop existing in a space or with an honesty that threatens their space and their delusion. Guess what. You don’t have to. You don’t have to 'just' do anything.

When someone asks or implies that you need to just do something that counters what is best for you, remove yourself. Remove yourself from the conversation, the physical space, from living under their expectations, and in some cases, from the relationship. You do not deserve to exist in an uncomfortable, non-supportive space. Create a new space. Build a new support system.

Your loved ones' decision to live in an unhealthy environment is not yours. The complacency that controls the lives of those you know does not have to control you. The fears that derail others do not have to derail you. If you ever have to choose between taking the road paved in denial, religious manipulation, and self-sacrifice so that others can feel more comfortable with the hurt that you live with and the unexplored, less crowded path toward wellness, always choose wellness. If you deserve to just do anything, you deserve to just choose your peace, safety, and freedom.