Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Reflection is a powerful and necessary part of self-discovery. Unfortunately, few of us engage in self-reflection because it requires a level of honesty that we fear. In order for reflection to be effective we have to ask ourselves some tough questions and dig deep for the real answers. It's only when we get to the truth that we can live out our truth.

I used to put those close to me through a trust test. I’d reveal a nugget of information and evaluate their reaction before believing I had evidence that I could and should divulge more. I’m not exactly sure what constituted a passing reaction, but this method brought me comfort for a while. Eventually, as I desired to be more authentic, my comfort dissolved. All that time I assumed that those trust tests revealed something about those I examined. The truth? My need to test trust revealed more about me. Why did I think that was necessary? What was I hoping to avoid or confirm? How would those I loved feel if they knew I was testing them? Why did I feel the need to test the people I carefully chose to be a close part of my life?

Asking questions and forcing myself to give truthful answers was not easy. I convinced myself that I was testing trust because I needed confirmation that I could trust them. That was easier to accept than the truth. I gave others my trust test because I didn’t trust my choices and I didn't trust my choices because I doubted self-worth. Imagine my surprise. I was the one person I felt I could trust yet I was engaging in this ridiculous behavior because I couldn't even trust my own relationship choices or my worth.

Take the steps and time necessary to do some self-reflection. Not only will you be granted with clarity to make better choices, but you'll also know what areas of your life require your attention and as a result, you'll improve your relationships with others, as well as yourself. Ever since I discovered my lack of trust in self and worth I have been able to focus on improving the areas that need work instead of the areas that felt safer to work on. Not only do I feel better and more clear, but my relationships are better and richer.

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