Sound Advice

I have a small group of friends who are my sounding board. I go to this special group to vet ideas, vent, and preview my writings. I am strategic in reaching out because only a few people have invested the time to understand me and my history, goals, purpose, flaws, and fears, yet don't cater to my nuances or enable stagnation. Within my sounding board, I go to certain ones for certain areas. Even people who love me can offer opinions that may not necessarily be bad advice, but not best for me. No matter what the advice is or who delivers it, I am responsible for distinguishing between what I should simply hear and what I should heed.

I accepted years ago that my path was unique, even when compared to my friends who are brave trailblazers in their own ways. Although our paths have crossed, they are not identical. While we share similar traits, we are independent and have unique styles, interests, plans, and quirks. For those reasons, we not only go in different areas, but we approach love and life differently. My circle provides sound advice, but it is my responsibility to know that good, well-intentioned advice is not always the best advice.

It is perfectly normal and healthy to share your experiences and feelings, but it is not necessary for you to internalize every word of advice or sentiment that results from your sharing. What one person would do is not necessarily what you should do. What may stop or discourage someone else does not have to stop or discourage you. What someone else may not be brave enough to pursue may be exactly what you should pursue. The life that someone else would settle into does not mandate that you settle.

Life is always leading you toward your purpose. Your intuition is constantly directing you, ever so gently, in the right direction. There is no external source that can guide you better. After all, when external signs appear, it's only after you have ignored the internal inklings repeatedly. As you share you life with those in your circle, be mindful not to allow advice, no matter how good it may seem, to lead you astray.

Internal Change

The last two years have left me searching for more than what my day-to-day life presented. I wasn’t unhappy, but I felt that there had to be more. The nomad within was screaming for me to pack up and relocate. However, before I could commit to making a major life change I had to discover what my soul was searching for and consider whether or not moving could provide it.

What we need isn’t always obvious. We have to do a little digging and probing. We have to ask ourselves what it is that we are truly after. For example, if I wanted to leave Indiana because I was tired of winter, it would not make sense for me to move to Illinois. It sounds ridiculous, but many of us have made similar decisions. Have you ever made a lifestyle change, but after time passes you find yourself faced with the same type of people or the same circumstance? You end a destructive relationship only to step right into another destructive relationship with someone new. You relocate to get away from negative influences, but find yourself surrounded by people who are just like the ones you left. You have changed your external world, but you haven’t changed.

Changing the scenery will be ineffective if the scenery isn’t the real issue. At certain points in my life relocating was an easier option than doing the work, being honest, and finding out what was causing the discomfort or desire to flee. When we change the external, the internal doesn’t automatically change with it. Internal changes require more. Internal changes are harder. Internal changes force us to face truth. Internal changes are uncomfortable and scary.

After spending some time listening inwardly, I understood why I was frustrated. The level of excitement about my future started to fade. Instead of discovering what I could do to get excited about my life again I entertained an easier route. I thought, 'Surely I can get excited again if I live in a new city.' However, the change I craved was an internal change. The frustration I felt was not related to where I lived but how I lived. Now that I am aware of what I need, I am focused and better equipped to pursue it. 

When you are faced with a repeating source of frustration try not to rely on your usual list of things-to-do. If you have recurring discontentment consider some serious self-reflection. Get to the root of the frustration. It may be difficult and uncomfortable, but increasing your quality of life is absolutely worth it.